To Reach Teens, Send Them a Text Message
Teenagers don’t like talking to their parents. In fact, scratch it. Many also don’t talk much with their friends, at least not with their voice. Teens love to write lyrics. Go to any place where teenagers hang out and you will see them gather in small groups and hover over their mobile phones. Sometimes they even write to the people sitting next to them. A strange way of life.
While the use of cell phones is a fairly modern phenomenon, the problem of taciturn adolescents avoiding all contact with their parents is not. Usually young people want to go about their business. But these days, the social and academic pressure on adolescents is absurd, and they can’t always handle it. As anxiety and depression are on the rise among young people and suicide is the third leading cause of death in this age group, it is clear that they still need their parents.
Since it is extremely difficult and embarrassing for teenagers to express their feelings to mom or dad, especially verbally, I have only one solution: write them a message.
Text messaging removes many obstacles to communication. For teenagers, this solves the problem of expressing words. Text messaging also eliminates the need to look someone in the eye while talking.
Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise: Helping Children Grow (and Survive) in Their Digital World, offers another benefit. Text messaging addresses a common area of misunderstanding. She states: “There are many studies that show that teens cannot accurately read the tone of their parents or their facial expressions, so texting allows them to hear their parents’ views without being distracted from the tone.” This is equally true for parents, who are often annoyed only by the tone of their children that they do not even hear the content of the statement.
For parents, texting is a gift of time. This gives both parties time to reflect on their words and reflect on what was said. This is incredibly helpful for parents (and children), who tend to react sharply right away and then wake up.
A few months ago, I learned how powerful this technique can be for parents. My daughter came home clearly upset. When I asked what worried her, she did not deny that the problem existed, but she could not talk about it. I said, “Write to me.” Without thinking, my daughter lowered her head and started typing. I patiently avoided eye contact while waiting for my message. They called me into her world. We’ve written long enough to understand the basics and break the ice. Then we were able to talk about it orally.
From now on, we regularly use text messages to communicate. This is our business and I love it. There will be times when just talking will be easier and faster. I am sure I will be disappointed in the anticipation of every message. But I know the most important thing is that I find a way to communicate with my teens, even if that is not my preferred method. The words are the most important here, not the way of communication.
Here are some tips on how to properly develop relationships with your kids through text messaging.
Give some space. Some teens will still feel overwhelmed by texting their parents while they are around. This is partly due to the fact that children are afraid to see the reaction to their messages. To ensure your child is most likely to open up, try looking away, texting from another room, or even leaving the house for a short while. The space will purify the air and create a safe environment in which your teen can open up.
Do not hurry. When adolescents are forced to talk about their feelings, their resistance increases. The more parents try to interfere with their children’s lives, the more careful they become. So come in slowly. You can try, “Hi honey, I see you are looking down. Are you okay? If it is difficult to speak, write me what is happening. “
Relax. Texting is an art, not an academic job with grades. The grammar crashes out the window, replacing abbreviations and smilies. At first, the spelling and vague language are annoying. But once you get the hang of it, it is liberating. And these emojis are actually an incredible way to identify feelings. If all else fails, you can always just ask, “Are you feeling more ? (embarrassed), ? (anger), or ? (sad)?”
Be concise. Children hate paragraphs in texts. Say what you want to say, but keep it as short as possible.
Remember to breathe. Use slower text messaging to think, process, and put the problem in perspective. In other words, don’t worry right away. Ask questions instead of solving problems. Try not to lecture or give too much of your opinion.
Let him rest. If you try to write a text message and it doesn’t work, leave it alone. You can try again at a different point in time.