How to Talk to Children, According to Mr. Rogers
This year marks the 50th anniversary of the Mister Rogers neighborhood , as well as a new documentary, Would You Be My Neighbor? Over the weekend, we hear facts about Fred Rogers’ children’s television screen, which show how much attention he paid to everything he did. For example, how he talked about feeding his fish on the show because a blind girl mentioned in an email that she was worried that the fish was hungry (Chrissy Teigen’s tweet about this tidbit made the internet collectively squeeze his cold heart). And how he responded to every fan who took the time to write to him (he received 50 to 100 emails every day). And how he made sure that Mr. Rogers’ entire catalog remained as up to date as possible , even if it meant revisiting an old episode, wearing the same clothes and reshooting a new insert, because the first time he got it wrong with the pronoun.
Undoubtedly, Rogers was also very attentive to the words he used in relation to children. In an adapted excerpt from The Atlantic ‘s forthcoming book Kind Neighbor: The Life and Works of Fred Rogers , author Maxwell King shared an illustrated guide that the two show’s writers created in 1977 for entertainment. Let’s Talk About Freddish by Arthur Greenwald and Barry Head was a playful, mildly satirical guide to “the hard process of getting all the words that fit Rogers.”
According to the authors, here is a nine-step process for translating everyday English into freddy:
1. “State the idea you want to express as clearly and understandably as possible for preschoolers.” Example: It is dangerous to play outside.
2. “Rephrase in a positive way” as in “ Play well where it’s safe”.
3. “Rephrase the idea, keeping in mind that preschoolers cannot yet make subtle distinctions and need to be redirected to the authorities they trust.” For example, ask your parents where it is safe to play.
4. “Rephrase your idea to exclude any elements that could be considered prescriptive, prescriptive, or instructive.” In this example, that would mean getting rid of the “ask”: your parents will tell you where to play safely.
5. “Rephrase any element that suggests certainty.” It will be “will”: your parents can tell you where to play safely.
6. “Rephrase your idea to exclude any element that may not apply to all children.” Not all children know their parents, so: Your favorite adults can tell you where to play safely.
7. “Add a simple motivational idea that gives preschoolers a reason to follow your advice.” Perhaps your favorite adults will tell you where to play safely. It’s a pleasure to listen to them.
8. “Rephrase the new statement by repeating the first step.” Good is a value judgment, so: Your favorite adults can tell you where to play safely. It is important to try to listen to them.
9. “Rephrase your idea one last time by linking it to some developmental phase that the preschooler can understand.” Maybe your favorite adults will tell you where to play safely. Listening to them is important, and listening is an important part of growing.
What I love about the instructions is that they start with the basic premise that children are complex creatures worthy of respect. The change in words due to the fact that “not all children know their parents” was not due to the fact that they were PCs – it just allowed more children to understand the idea. Changing the statements from good to bad helped the children develop critical thinking skills. And emphasizing “why” to do something gave them a richer inner voice.
Decades ago, Mr. Rogers got the words right. I’m glad we’re still listening.