What to Expect for the First Time in a Sex Club
The only association most people have with sex clubs is the eerie scenes from Eyes Wide Shut . But sex clubs can be very diverse and enjoyable.
Sex clubs are, as the name suggests, clubs where people go to have sex. They are often styled as a typical nightclub with space for socializing and dancing, but usually include more private areas with beds and other props for sex play. Sometimes, temporary sex clubs are housed in private homes.
Some people enjoy the exhibitionistic excitement of having sex in front of other people. Others enjoy watching people have sex under voyeurism. Some couples go to sex clubs to play with each other, while others go to strangers. Some parties have a specific theme, such as a masquerade ball or bondage.
Here’s everything you need to know about visiting your first sex club.
Explore your options
There are many more sex clubs than most people think. If you live in or near a medium to large city, you can probably find a sex club. Google is your friend here, but if he doesn’t find anything, another option is to visit a local sex shop and ask if they know any places.
Some sex clubs also require you to go through the application process before being allowed in the door. You may need to submit a written application, photographs of yourself, or even be interviewed. It is worth doing your research ahead of time to make sure you have time to go through any necessary steps or pre-screening.
Read the Rules
Most people are surprised to learn that sex clubs are actually highly regulated places. They are not as wild as everyone else. If it’s a good sex club, management cares about creating a safe, welcoming and sexy place where people can relax, so they develop detailed club etiquette.
Most clubs have a website that lists the rules in detail. If not, you can always email or call the club and ask. In particular, you should find out:
- If you need to bring anything, such as a photo ID.
- What is the dress code. Some clubs are strict about this.
- If nudity is mandatory, or if you are allowed to wear all or part of your clothing.
- What specific actions are allowed and what are not. For example, some clubs do not allow masturbation in certain places.
- If different rules apply to different areas of the club. Sometimes certain areas will be designated as play areas and others for communication.
- What you can and cannot take with you. For example, if you can bring your own toys.
- If singles or only pairs are allowed.
- If you want to attend an event or theme at night. Don’t be surprised at a night of slavery if it’s not for you.
- If phones are allowed. Most places will ask you to check them or cover your camera lenses.
Some clubs even run guided tours or newcomers’ meetings, so you can ask about that too.
Make friends with the staff
If you’re feeling nervous about being in a club for the first time, take a few minutes to talk to the hosts, bar staff, or security. Party planners want their guests to have a good time, so they will do their best to make you feel at ease. It’s also good to be familiar with security in case you need to talk to them about a bad guest.
Find out your own rules too
If you are going alone or with a friend, consider what activities would be comfortable for you to participate. A sex club is not a unique event; you can always come back. Don’t force yourself to do anything until you feel ready. If you’re nervous, you may decide that you will only watch the first time, or just pat it lightly. Many take it slowly for the first few times.
If this is your first time going to a sex club with your partner, you will definitely want to have a long conversation about which activities are on the table and which are not. For instance:
- Are you going to fool around in front of the audience together or are you going to play with other people as well?
- Are you going to play together all the time, or can each of you slip away in private?
- If you are dating other people, what activities are you allowed or prohibited?
- Are you leaving with or with other people?
You should also choose a safe word or signal that any of you can use if the situation gets too tense or you just need a breather. And it’s probably a good idea not to go to a sex club if your relationship is going through a rough time.
Bring your own gear
Most sex clubs provide condoms and lubricants, but these may not be of the best quality. I recommend bringing condoms, lubricant, dental pads, or gloves with you. If the club permits, you can also bring your own sex toys or props in a small bag.
Always ask permission
While sex clubs can be wild and bizarre, that doesn’t mean they are limitless. In fact, people who identify as part of a perverse community tend to understand the importance of consent much more than most people. Appearing at a sex party does not mean that a person agrees to do anything and everything. If you want to touch someone, ask first. If you want to observe someone up close, ask first. If you want to plunge headlong into the thick of an orgy, ask first.
Clean up after yourself
It may sound like a silly rule, but cleaning up after yourself is just good sex club etiquette! Think of it like a gym; wipe off any surface your skin has come into contact with. Many clubs usually have napkins, but you can bring a small travel bag with you.
Check yourself and each other
Sex clubs can be incredibly erotic and can cause strong emotional reactions. Give yourself space and permission to experience any feelings that may arise for you. If you are with a friend or partner, you can arrange in advance to check-in at a specified time and location so you can just see how each one is doing.