Stop Making Bad Coleslaw
It’s almost Memorial Day weekend , and you know what that means: Someone is about to bring a bowl of horrible coleslaw to your house and you’ll have to pretend you like it.
As one of dozens of people – dozens! – for those who love good stuff, kebabs are usually disappointing. Too often, coleslaw is the last item on the table after dinner, and the only buffet offering still untouched at sunset; In other words, everything is an afterthought. I understand why: Raw cabbage floating in candied mayonnaise is conceptually rather unpleasant. But like so much in life, a little respect for the process and ingredients is all it takes to make a star out of this unfairly forgotten side dish.
Well, a little respect and a lot of salt. With oversweetened and lightly salted kale salad all over the place, my number one tip is to use more salt than you think you need. Plus, here are a few more guidelines to help you get on the right track:
- Don’t over complicate things. You wanna get a little pissed off, buddy? Want to add pineapple or red cabbage or maybe a savory chipotle dressing like it’s 2009? Stop. Respect and master the simplest, most basic kind of kale salad before you start reefing on it.
- Don’t get ahead of yourself. Some salads get better the longer they sit . Coleslow is very disliked. If your schedule requires prior preparation, transport vegetables and dressings separately to their destination and harvest just before serving.
- Do not grate carrots. Grated carrots are wet, nasty, and shouldn’t be in a cabbage salad. Please, I beg you: cut the carrots into strips. If you are difficult to use this technique to see how it does Maangchi (its method of cutting the displacement has changed the rules of the game for me) or buy a peeler for julienne .
- Pre-chopped vegetables work well. Not everyone has the time or inclination to smash a head of cabbage or julienne carrots, and that’s okay. The bag mix is very respectable – just don’t leave it in the fridge for more than a couple of days.
- The finished dressing does not fit. Coleslow needs a lot of seasoning to taste good, and bottled dressing never gets the job done. Homemade dressing is very simple and tastes better.
The list of tips is good and all, but the easiest way to make a non-sloppy cabbage salad is to use a good recipe, so I finally rewrote mine for you. If you’ve been tasked with bringing coleslaw to your Memorial Day meeting this year, this is a great place to start.
Very good coleslaw
The result is about six cups of cut meat, which can feed six to eight adults. If you’re using pre-shredded vegetables, two sixteen-ounce kale and carrots are best. You may or may not use every last drop of the dressing; any leftovers go great with Crudités. Finally, keep in mind that I am using table salt – if you are a Diamond Crystal household, you will need double what I requested.
Ingredients
For the bandage:
- Generous ¼ cup mayonnaise
- Generous ¼ cup sour cream
- ¼ cup apple cider vinegar (or distilled white vinegar)
- 1 tsp table salt with a slide, plus more to taste
- 2 tsp granulated sugar, plus more to taste
- 1-2 tsp celery seeds (optional)
- Freshly ground black pepper (optional)
For the salad:
- Half a head of green cabbage (1 ½ lb / 680 g)
- One large or two small carrots (170 g)
- Half a small onion or a quarter medium (1.5 oz / 40 g)
- ¼ tsp table salt
Instructions:
Prepare the dressing first: mix all the ingredients in a pourable container, taste and adjust the dressing if necessary. (The dressing should be strong enough to be eaten straight off the spoon; it was borderline nasty, so be sure to add salt and sugar.) The prepared dressing can be refrigerated for three days or so.
Prepare the salad: If you haven’t already, split the green cabbage in half and remove the sad, wilted outer leaves. Chop finely with a sharp knife. I do this by making two opposite diagonal cuts at the top of the head and following those cuts with my knife, alternating the two sides until I reach the pith. The kale kernels are definitely good enough to eat, but mine was a little sad so I skipped it this time. (It was an old cabbage.)
Place the shredded cabbage in a large bowl. Peel the carrots and cut into strips; add to bowl. Slice the onion criss-cross into half moons and toss them too. Sprinkle vegetables with a quarter teaspoon of salt and stir.
If you’re serving the coleslaw right away, add the dressing a little at a time until it’s nicely coated; chopsticks are great for this. You may not need all the dressing, so sit back and taste it.
If you haven’t been serving the coleslaw for several hours, place the vegetables on a rimmed baking sheet lined with tea or paper towels. Leave at room temperature for ten minutes, then gently blot as much water as possible with another layer of towels. (If you have one, a salad spinner is great for this step.) Transfer the vegetables to a clean, dry bowl, cover, and refrigerate for up to 24 hours. If more water leaks out during cooling, drain, blot, or remove before adding dressing.
Anyone who loves – or doubts it – will love this recipe. It’s creamy and tangy at the same time, with just enough salt to neutralize the bitterness of raw cabbage and sweet enough to be completely addictive. I’m not saying that this will convert all the slave owners you meet, but it may simply change the minds of some.