Dads, Take Parental Leave
The numbers show that many fathers believe that fathers should take parental leave. But maybe they mean theoretically. Because, according to the latest survey by the Society for Human Resource Management, while two-thirds of women take all paid parental leave, only 36 percent of men do the same. In fact, a new study from Ball State University shows that most men don’t take more than a week’s break after having a baby. This is no good for anyone.
When I think about parental leave, I think that, of course, dads should take it – they need to bond with their newborn babies like moms do. Fathers who take longer leave tend to be more involved in their child’s life for many years. But this is only one facet. Equally paid parental leave for all parents – and actually reaping its benefits – can also help narrow the wage gap, establish models of equity in childcare, and keep people in the workforce .
A lot happens in those first weeks and months. You are frantically wondering how to rebuild your family with this brand new person in it. Procedures and responsibilities are created and consolidated. If the mother is on vacation alone, she automatically takes on the bulk of the mental burden. She figures out how many diapers to pack in a backpack each day, where the baby thermometer is kept, how to dry those tiny bottle cleaning brushes, and whether the baby will burp best when sitting upright or lying on her lap. It ultimately takes a course on what the sociologist Arlie Hochschild has called “the second shift .”
Then, even if she goes back to work, the structure often remains, ”says Lauren Brody, author of The Fifth Trimester: A Guide to Style, Sanity, and Greater Success After Childbirth . She tells me, “[When] both parents come home at the end of the day, guess who knows how to do it? Mum. And guess who wants it to be his own way? Most likely mom. Because she has gained experience that her father does not have, despite the fact that he is equally capable of learning. It can be overwhelming, and mothers still quit their jobs because they believe it is their only choice.
However, when both partners take parental leave at the same time, they “struggle and succeed together with each other,” Brody adds. And this is a huge and important process. “You are setting yourself up for a true partnership that pays off over the years as your kids grow and your career grows,” she says. “After going through those early crazy days, each of you knows that the other is capable and loving, and that you are much more likely to trust each other.” (Brody says another option is taking temporary leave – taking the break at specific times.)
The unfortunate reality, Brody says, lies in the fact that only 14% of American workers generally have access to any paid leave for child care . And while the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) provides both men and women with 12 weeks of unpaid leave, only 56% of workers are eligible for it, and far fewer workers can afford it even if they wanted to. In addition, many companies still reinforce gender roles and make single-income families the norm by distinguishing between “primary” and “secondary” parents .
So while dads should take the vacation they are offered, we should all work to improve the system — fathers, mothers, employers, legislators, and anyone else who benefits from women being promoted. I read: basically everything.