What to Do If You Can’t Stop Worrying About Your Newborn

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Almost all parents are concerned about the health and safety of their newborn babies. In fact, we are evolutionarily programmed to scan our environment for any potential threat to the little life we ​​are now obliged to preserve. You may be worried that your baby stops breathing at night. That the car could jump out onto the sidewalk and squint you and your stroller. Or even that you can do something to harm your newborn, such as drowning her during those awkward newborn sponge baths.

It’s not because you plan on doing any of these things. And not because it will happen. This is because “our brains are creative and we wonder if we can do certain things or if certain things can happen,” says Dr. Jonathan Abramovitz , one of the country’s leading experts on obsessive thoughts. As parents of newborns, we look for every possible danger, and yes, it could be ourselves. But there are times when these experiences take hold of you, becoming debilitating and a sign of a possible anxiety disorder. Here’s our guide on how to deal with those thoughts and know when you might need help with it.

Accept thoughts as they are

First, understand that these thoughts are normal and not an accusation about who you are as a parent. Then try to let them “ride,” recommends Abramovitz. Rather than trying your best not to imagine these scenarios (which will only make them last longer), acknowledge their existence, understand that they are a normal part of new parenting, and then get on with your day.

Research shows that these thoughts come and go in new parenting and often peak after about six weeks and then begin to subside in the following months.

Talk about them with another parent or someone you trust.

I will begin. After the birth of both daughters, I developed irrational concerns about their health. When my oldest daughter had a benign insect bite on her arm, I seriously wondered if it was cancer. I even asked her pediatrician if it was cancer. After my second daughter was born with a strong weight of 9 pounds 16 ounces, I immediately wondered if the almond croissants I ate with frightening regularity during pregnancy had doomed her to diabetes. Okay, it’s your turn.

By sharing these thoughts with each other, we can rob them of their power. And find out, hey, we’re not alone. Other parents think weird things too! They are just like us! Two great, compassionate online groups where you can let your worries go are The Self-Care Squad (for moms only) and One Bad Mother (for all parents).

Know When Your Anxiety Is A Sign Of An Anxiety Disorder

If you feel better just knowing that these thoughts are normal and they start to dissipate as you feel more comfortable in your role as parent of the newborn, great. If not – and these worries take on a life of their own – you may be suffering from anxiety disorder.

We used to only talk about postpartum depression, but experts now understand that there are a number of conditions with different symptoms that can develop during pregnancy or in the first year after birth, called perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMAD). They are the most common complication of pregnancy and childbirth, affect one in five mothers and respond well to treatment. (Note: Mood and anxiety disorders can also occur in fathers .)

We’re going to talk about what two of these might look like – postpartum anxiety and postpartum OCD.

You cannot stop thinking about these thoughts. Again, I’ll go first. The worries I mentioned above? Well, for me – a person who developed postpartum anxiety – their number and strength grew over time, until I spent most of my time awake, composing in my head difficult stories about the doomed health of my children (despite the fact that they were healthy and happy babies). Many women with postpartum anxiety (myself included) describe being so exhausted by the constant stream of worries that they want to get it out of their heads.

You worry that they mean you are a bad person or a parent. If you start to worry that the thought of possible harm to your child means that you are a bad parent or that you shouldn’t have become a parent, this is a sign that these thoughts have a huge impact on you. Because no, these thoughts are not about who you are. They are either a normal side effect of parenting or a sign that you have an anxiety disorder and have nothing to do with who you are as a person. If they bother you so much that you start to doubt it, it’s time to get help.

It is difficult for you to function normally. Perhaps you wake up at 3 a.m. thinking about these worries and cannot go back to sleep (even if you are tired of having a baby). You may be so engrossed in your thoughts that normal conversation becomes difficult. Or you feel paralyzed by your anxiety and find it difficult to go about your daily life. All this happened to me.

You change your behavior to control them. Do you check your baby 20 times a night to make sure he is breathing? Or wash your hands multiple times throughout the day? In my case, I wiped Clorox on every page of the handbooks my husband brought home from the library, and repeatedly took my daughter’s temperature when she caught a cold, convinced that it was something much worse. These behavioral changes are a way to try to control those fears. But instead of helping to alleviate them, they tend to reinforce the idea that we have something to worry about. “This behavior makes thoughts more common,” says Abramovitz. And they can be a symptom of postpartum OCD, another PMAD.

How to get help

If any of the four scenarios above work for you, or if you experience other PMAD symptoms , you may be suffering from a mood disorder or anxiety disorder for which there is effective treatment. And you will feel much better when you access it. Here’s how to get started:

Important Note: If the thought of hurting yourself or your baby makes sense to you and feels “right,” you may have a rare and serious but also treatable condition called postpartum psychosis . 1 to 2 in 1000 mothers experience it. This requires immediate medical attention and the mother must go – or be transported – to the nearest emergency room.

Experiencing anxiety is part of parenting and, for some, perinatal mood disorder or anxiety disorder. There is nothing to be ashamed of either. And you deserve support in everything you go through.

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