What Was the Last Big Change in Your Life That Defines You Today?
The “present” is not a smoothly sliding window of time, always slipping into the past at the same speed. From time to time we change something important – we quit our job, move to a new home, part with a partner – which defines a new past and a new present. We do not always foresee the consequences of this change, or whether there will be any consequences at all. It is only by looking back that we realize what a great or terrible choice we have made.
The biggest change in my life was typical: when my wife and I first met nine years ago. I began to define my life by what came before it and what happened after. It’s a way to come to terms with a lot of my worst past decisions – and sometimes, unfortunately, I forgive them. I try to use this distinction between “presenting me” and “the past” as a way to grow, without pretending that I can completely renounce my past.
While I have other “past months” over the past nine years – me who never worked in an office, me who lived alone, me who knew he would never want children – my progress on these phases are very difficult. influenced by my relationship. Gradually, it became the biggest commitment I have ever made, and it taught me that I was too scared of commitment to “keep my options open.” Then I applied this to my career, my friendships, my thoughts about the future. This is the most important lesson that defines “present me” versus “the past” —to be happy, I had to sacrifice more immediate personal freedom in favor of commitment.
So what choices and events mark the end of your “past” and the beginning of your “present”? What lesson or topic have you found – more freedom, more commitment, more kindness, less indulgence or laziness? What defines you in the present and what exactly are you doing to hold on to it?