My Girlfriend Is Jealous of My Girlfriend
This week we have a man with his best friend, but his girlfriend is jealous.
Some people have problems that require the delicate advice of a qualified professional. Others just need a random guy on the internet to kick them in the teeth (i.e. honestly). I am the last one. Welcome back to Tough Love .
Note: I am by no means a therapist or medical professional. People ask for my advice, and I give them. End of transaction. If you have any problems, please submit a formal complaint here . Now that this doesn’t get in the way, let’s continue.
Hi, Patrick,
My girlfriend hates my best friend, girlfriend. Okay, hate is a strong word, but she doesn’t like how close we are. This is not rocket science that having a best friend might cause some jealousy, but the fact is that she is a lesbian and I literally have no feelings for her. I have sometimes embellished how close we are and argued that we only communicate for a long period of time when there is a third person or group involved. It’s on me, I shouldn’t have been dishonest.
But gradually I tried to warm her up to the idea that I actually spend a lot of time with her and that we are close to the point where I realized that much of my friendship in the past barely touched the definition of the term “genuine.” Yes, this friend is very important to me.
But the lady doesn’t have that. I don’t want to take sides. I am too passionate about both relationships with these women and I love them very much (of course, in different ways). My friend wants to be closer to my girlfriend, but it will be difficult. What should I do?
Regards, you have a headache
Hello, you have a headache :
Your girlfriend sounds a little insecure and she’s a little irrational here. Your friend is not interested in you or another of your gender, and from what you wrote, I assume you made it clear that you have no romantic feelings for her. I’m not sure what makes her so jealous. Maybe she can’t get over the stereotype that all men think lesbians are hot, or maybe she thinks you’re so cool that you turn her around or something (that’s funny, I know). Or! She’s just an insecure person. It happens.
However, HAH (I am abbreviating your name, not laughing at you), her insecurity can be partly confirmed by your actions. You lied to her about how close this friend was to you in the beginning, and now you suddenly want to spend more time with her and do it alone, and “Baby, trust me, that’s okay.” You should understand that from the outside it may seem that you are just now getting closer to this person and developing a deep relationship with him – as if something in your romantic relationship is causing you to go astray. Perhaps your girlfriend doesn’t even like your friend, but the fact that you want to spend more and more time with her. Your girlfriend has gone through a change for no apparent reason, you suddenly start feeling weird about it all, and it makes her feel uncomfortable. And now you can’t tell her the truth about how you’ve always been so close, because then she wonders why you felt the need to hide it from her at all. Why did you hide it, huh?
At this point, it’s best to get them to spend some time together. A group setting is fine, but it would be better for them to meet one-on-one. They need to feel what the other person is really like. Either way, you shouldn’t be there for this. You don’t want it to be a tug-of-war session, you want them to communicate and clear the air. If your girlfriend finally sees that there is nothing to worry about, then this jealousy problem may go away. Who knows? They may even become good friends themselves.
If your girlfriend is not ready for this and the jealousy does not subside, you need to put all your feelings out. She needs to know that your friend is very important to you and that this situation will make you unhappy if it continues. You are not a threat when you do this – this is not an ultimatum – but you must be clear that her attempts to keep you away from the people you consider your real friends will be a problem. The bottom line is that this is her problem, not yours. You may have exacerbated her insecurity about her dishonesty, but at the end of the day, you must advocate for the relationship that matters most to you.
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT E-MAIL ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY FUNCTIONAL AND PLEASE KEEP IT SHORT . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.