How to Behave in an Elevator
Riding an elevator can be an ordeal, despite the murky etiquette of pressing buttons, holding a door and chattering, all mixed with a healthy dose of claustrophobia.
No more than that: a delightfully particular homeowner from Seattle took over the task set out exactly how to behave in an elevator. Seattle-based alternative weekly The Stranger posted a photo of an ad that was recently posted in one of their writer’s apartment buildings (go to their website for a poster worth reading in full). The homeowner’s extremely sensible guidelines include:
- “Stand to the right.” Both on sidewalks and escalators and in elevators. Simple enough.
- “Hold the door if it doesn’t bother you.” You may not always feel like it, but this is a polite thing to do.
- “Be a button pusher.” If you’re closest to buttons in a crowded elevator, suggest volunteering to press any buttons people need to press. Certainly.
- “Move back.” Self-explanatory.
- “Consider going down the stairs.” Why link up an elevator for other people if you are healthy, do not carry anything heavy and head only to the second floor?
And then there’s this extremely important note about body odors (TL; DR: Don’t Fart):
Practice good hygiene every day, especially if you use the elevator regularly. Small confined spaces can draw attention to any body odor. Try not to leak gas or burp while riding in the elevator. If yes, then apologize. Do not bring strong smelling food into the elevator. Bring food in containers instead. Never eat in an elevator. Never use perfume or lotion. What smells normal to you can cause severe illness in someone else.
A note on polite small talk is also included in the flyer, but it is quite specific to the dynamics of a small apartment building, so we exclude it for our purposes. The need for small talk is strictly individual! When in doubt, smile and nod politely and remain silent as a grave.
The stranger fried the notice like a typical Seattle, as the idea was that Seattle people were inherently alarmed and anxious to avoid resentment to absurd concern. It may be true (it is definitely true). But the advice in this booklet is also an impeccable and accurate guide to behavior for anyone about to step into an elevator, damn the finicky regional cultural norms.
For an overview: be friendly, but not overly friendly; move to the right and back to make room for other elevator passengers; hold the door to let other people in; press buttons for other riders as needed; wait until you exit to release gases from your body. Is there so much to ask about this?