Pretend You’re Good At
A while ago I met up with my friend Jenny Lawson, who was in town and was recording an audiobook from her memoir, Let’s Pretend It Never Happened . I asked her how she was doing, and she told me that things were going badly – until, in a panic, she turned to her writer friend for advice.
Here I will let her tell the rest .
I excused myself to have a drink, but secretly emailed my friend Neil Gaiman to ask him how he managed to record so many of his books while still maintaining such a cool and collected sound. His answer came almost immediately:
IMAGINE YOU REMOVING IT.
I scrawled his advice on my hand and ducked back into the recording studio. I took a deep breath and … pretended I was good at it. And I was. We threw away the first chapter and rewrote it with my new mantra chanted in my head.
To be honest, this advice did not strike me as particularly world-changing. Of course, I was happy that it worked for my friend, but otherwise I didn’t think much about it. But gradually, gradually, “pretend you’re good at” magic worked on me.
I have long suffered from rabid impostor syndrome; My harsh assumption, associated with most of the effort, is that I will somehow screw it up. (And yes, I’ve been in therapy. So much therapy. ) It’s an uncomfortable and unproductive lifestyle. Apart from working on any deeply rooted problems, I needed something to get me to take that first step: overcome my fears and go out into the world. So I turned around to “pretend you’re good at this” – and it worked. I pretended and my anxiety subsided. I behaved like someone who was well versed in something and did everything with minimal anxiety. Actually, I didn’t screw it up at all.
At first glance, “pretending you’re good at” is a lot like “pretending until you succeed,” but it’s actually much better. Here’s why: The phrase “pretend until it works” suggests that at some point you will “do it.” The thought that I can “survive” at some point is overwhelming. When will I do this? Why haven’t I had time yet? Why am I still pretending 20 years ago? Am I naturally incapable of this? In addition, “fake” has the form of a ruse and implies that someone might at some point understand that you are a fake. (I actually pondered this.)
“Pretend you’re good at it,” on the other hand, is more playful. You are not saying that you will ever be good at something – you are just playing with what could be as if you were good at it. What would a person who is good at it do? How can they behave?
A couple of caveats: “Pretend you are good at” is not a substitute for real training, especially when it comes to situations that could jeopardize someone’s safety. You wouldn’t want your pilot to pretend she is good at it instead of, say, getting a license. “Pretend you’re good at it” is also not a reason for being overly arrogant, but then anyone who resonates with it probably won’t be the type to be arrogant.
However, I recommend that you use “Imagine You Are Good at It” in any area of your life where you are struggling. Is it difficult for you to get up in the morning? Tell yourself you’re best at getting up early. Nervous about going to a party alone? Imagine solo partying is your area of expertise. What would it look like? Imagine that you are good at it, and you will inevitably be surprised how good you really are.