How to Fly With Children When You Are Afraid to Fly
I’m afraid to fly.
Logically, I know my fears are illogical. I know that a commercial flight is statistically safe. I understand what turbulence is and that modern passenger aircraft can withstand more abuse than usual in flight. I know these facts, but they do not comfort me.
My fear has intensified over the past decade – I’ve been a parent for so long. I have more to lose than I once did. When I’m on an airplane, my preferred position is: eyes are closed, back is hunched over, fingers are gripping the armrests. I am like that from the moment we start rolling down the runway until the moment we touch the wheels.
I understand that people have to think when they see me like this, and I don’t care. Unless my children are sitting next to me. Do you know how your little munchkin gets up off the sidewalk and looks you in the face before deciding if he should cry? It looks like a frightened flight. I know that if my children see how I really feel, they too will be terrified, and this will lead to moaning and sobbing. They can cry too.
This is how I keep a brave face.
Book well
It all starts with the flight itself. Make it as short and painless as possible. Above all, your goal should be serenity. If you have multiple airports in your area, choose one that is not the entrance to the ninth circle of hell .
Consider flying straight, even if that means a long trip. I prefer three hours on the road, rather than three nervous hours at the connecting airport, waiting to board my doomed second flight. If a direct flight is not possible, try choosing an airport that is renowned for its punctuality . This is where I think about the delays between the gates when you are awful waiting.
Buy tickets from a real airline, not one of the low-cost carriers that save you a nickle for every little comfort. It will cost more money, but it will make the experience less awful. I am a tall person. I was in plane seats, which forced me to choose between crushed kneecaps and stretching. I appreciate carriers who understand the value of legroom . And it’s nice to eat a little. The last voyage I was served fruit, cheese, nuts and hummus. The pleasure of delicious food helped me calm my screaming tonsil. I was not a caged monkey. I lay on a picnic and tickled my palate.
Don’t do drugs
If you’re in a state where marijuana is legal, you might be tempted to eat the spiked cookies on your way to the airport. Besides. Have you ever felt paranoid when you were stoned to death? Have you ever felt paranoid when your frail body is miles above safe solid ground? Have you ever felt the urge to combine these two paranoias into one super paranoia while trapped with 200 strangers, one of whom might be a Federal Air Marshal? Remember, we try not to worry in front of children.
Prescription drugs are an acceptable option, but these drugs have side effects. It’s good to know how they change your body and mind before the time is right. And in terms of treating your fear of flying, they might not even work .
How about a couple of glasses of wine? This pinot will make you stronger than usual . Plus, if you get careless, you leave your partner to carry the burden of serving out snacks and finding lost crayons. Leave a drink to the pilots. Joking! They are not drunk. They are fast asleep.
Really communicate with your kids
The big advantage of traveling with your family is that you won’t hate your neighbor. With hope. As your kids outgrow the difficult parenting stages that end in elementary school, your interactions with them will become more spontaneous and fun – no matter where you are. The plane is just another nasty place, like a DMV or a dental office.
Do something together that will distract you from your mental state. Play Mad Libs or share one of these detailed zen coloring books. Try Crazy 8s or Gin. Bring a magnetic chessboard or crossword book.
Or look beyond the plane itself. The last time we flew, my daughter stared out the window, holding her breath, describing the area below. For the first time she saw the Earth from such a height. I responded to her joyful smile, imagining what the wreckage of our plane would look like, scattered over these majestic mountains. However, if this was to be my last memory, at least it was happy.
Know yourself
In general, the average adult can handle a little more introspection. Regarding the topic under discussion, consider why you are afraid of flying. Are these strange noises? Turbulence? Bombers in underwear?
Once you know the source of your fear, you can effectively distract it. Create a playlist of songs that make you want to boogie-woogie. Listen to silly podcasts. Watch movies or read a book. Open your meditation app and practice intentional breathing.
For me, the source of fear is lack of control combined with risk consolidation. I have to believe that everyone involved, from mechanics to pilots and air traffic controllers, is doing a good job. Not just my flight, but everyone else nearby. If my pilots are top-notch, but the dummies in the Dreamliner decide to land on the runway, then I’m fucked. And so are my children. On a typical day, my family is unlikely to die. The four of us are in four different locations. Put us on a plane and it’s all or nothing.
It turns out that the ideal cure for my fear is hearing a story about someone taking small control measures in a life-threatening situation. In particular, listening to the audiobook of the Martian . I stumbled upon this antidote the last time I flew. When astronaut Mark Watney dictated his daily plans, successes and failures into my ears, my chest relaxed. My grip relaxed. I even laughed at funny things. Instead of listening to a voice in my head triggering destruction scenarios, I listened to a calm voice, a funny voice, chanting a series of checklists.
This is exactly what I do when I am not trapped in the pipe of death! I make plans, change plans and talk about plans. Sometimes I make plans. It was as if I was listening to myself – a smarter, bolder version of myself. At the end of the day, I doubt I’ll ever be trapped on Mars. I’ve heard it’s a pretty long flight.