Are All These Parenting Books Useless for Parents?
I have a huge stack of parenting books on my desk. Some of them tell me that I am great at raising my child (these books, I pecked and stroked with love). Others tell me that I screw up everything, from sleep to screen. I devour them all for their work, and also because there is a part of me that continues to look for something to cling to – it had just discovered the philosophy of some remote village, where all the children are happy and helpful (and never call you “Soft Belly Mommy”), this scientifically proven method that will give me five more hours a day, this voice that will say, “Oh honey, you mean you handle parenthood without instruction? That’s all . I’m looking for answers at a stage where there seems to be an infinite number of questions.
But are there too many parenting tips? Pretty much anyone with a child will tell you heck yes there is. The Guardian published “The Devil’s Genius of the Child Advice Industry”, in which Oliver Berkman argues that parents, especially new ones, are unique prey. He writes that the fast-paced parenting manual genre “targets the people who are most sleep deprived at the start of what will undoubtedly be the hardest responsibility of their lives, and suggests that maybe, just maybe, between the covers of this book lies a lie. a piece of information that will make a difference whether their child thrives or not. “
Berkman believes that parents are trying to control “the terrifying unpredictability of the world.” And is there anything more unpredictable than the sudden responsibility for a newborn who does not distinguish between day and night and his own nose? At the same time, there is a wonderful sense of hope in all of this. Although it is too late to perfect our own adult life, Berkman writes that “a completely new child makes it possible to believe in fantasies again.” Could your offspring be the next Bill Gates, Oprah or John Stewart if you raise them the right way?
But read enough of these books and you will quickly find that there is no “right” way, and there is a limit to how much advice you can consume before you start questioning every single decision you need to make (are flush-to-size wipes really better? than the ones you throw in the bin?). Everything seems to contradict each other. Berkman notes that there are two opposing camps in the childcare advice industry: child coaches (those who persuade parents to follow strict schedules and schemes as early as possible) and natural parents (those who believe that “modernity has ruined the purity of life”) … paternity, which can only be restored by imitating the earthly practices of indigenous tribes in the developing world and / or prehistoric people “).
Many parenting styles fall into these circles somewhere – tiger parenting, slow parenting, affection building, free parenting, RIE and helicopter parenting. While there are a few ardent supporters of certain philosophies, I think many of us fall into the “let’s just do our best” category. Why do we need these boxes at all? Berkman cites the work of psychologist Alison Gopnik when he explains that perhaps our mistake as parents is “that we“ imagine that everything as complex as relationships between people can be reduced to a set of deliberately manipulated variables. ” We stress ourselves and our children by trying to stay within the rules.
So far, at various stages in raising my daughter, I’ve chosen parenting tips that sounded like they might work in my particular situation. (Let’s face it, I usually just choose the method that gives me more sleep) I slept together and I followed a rigorous method of getting my baby out of diapers in three days . I still read many books for parents and find them valuable, but I do not value the advice of the authors above the advice of trusted friends with older children and our pediatrician. I like parenting reminders more than parenting rules. (I live in this regard from the book Brene Brown ” gifts of imperfect parenting” , which says: ” So , what we are, is a far more accurate predictor of how our children will do than what we know or understand about science about raising children. ”Always rejoice in a good upbringing.
I know that we parents need to love our children, acknowledge their feelings and be available to them when they need us. Beyond that, do what works for you. Your confidence will come through experience, not through the pages of the latest bestsellers.