When to Use Daddy’s Voice
The paradox of parenting is that you can perform all functions and still feel like an impostor. Changing diapers, playing peek-a-boo, rolling on your back can all feel like a game. Then there comes a point where you become a real dad. One day you will be walking with your child, open your mouth and utter the voice of your father. As a Patronus, it will bounce through the air and freeze its target in its tiny childhood footprints.
Papa The voice is loud, without shouting, instructive, but without harassment. Using Dad Voice, you are not a screaming maniac . You are not upset . Instead, you are persistent and unyielding – perhaps you expectdifferent types of home searches.
Use your diaphragm to amplify decibels and broadcast like a megaphone. Truncate your syllables. Do not be verbose or witty – it’s not what you say, but how you say it. Besides, now is not the time for tomfoolery.
When to use Dad Voice? Here are some scenarios.
Impromptu for babies Mosh Pits
When too many children get together in too small a room, something terrible happens. An energetic feedback loop is created by pheromones, underdeveloped frontal lobes, or glazed donuts. There is screeching, screeching and fussing. Sometimes this playful game breaks out of the pen and goes over everything in its path in panic.
Unable to argue with writhing groups of shaking toddlers. They cannot be reassured by speaking fondly of good play. They are only aware of violent destruction that ends in tears. And there is only one way to create a freeze frame with record length, long enough to redirect their energy: the voice of the father.
In the presence of fragile objects
How often am I being fooled by the “what to do” calendar? Too many times. Desperate to fill my weekend wake hours, I turn to the Internet, which assures me that there are plenty of “kids activities” at the local art museum event. We come to a scene with broken crayons and photocopies of coloring book pages precariously placed next to million dollar vases. Suddenly every dollar I’ve ever worked for is at stake. College funds, retirement funds, insurance deduction funds can all be wiped out by a hysterical enthusiasm in a room full of priceless items.
This requires the voice of a proactive father. Long before any reckless behavior is demonstrated, the father’s voice can be used in a modified form to describe the importance of the best behavior and the severity of punishment for any reckless behavior. Father’s anticipatory voice sounds deadly quiet and is accompanied by an unblinking gaze. Your children can hear well if they move through fragile objects slowly and dreamily, like prisoners of Stockholm Syndrome.
Pedestrian and Cyclist Safety
Once your children learn to walk, they will be pulled outside like wildebeest crossing a crocodile-infested river. For kids, cars are shiny, light and magical. They slide along wide, smooth paths perfect for playing. So when your preschooler runs to the side of the road, this is not the time for friendly reminders to walk. It’s time for a loud “Stop!” delivered to Dad Voice.
You can also use Dad Voice on the drivers. Last spring, my daughter and I rode our bicycles to school. Suddenly, some idiot in the Audi turned so fast that the back of the car twisted. When he shot us around the block, I spread my arms wide and dad voiced: “Hey! Slow down! “It turned out that I was doing someone else’s dad’s job. The driver was a teenager with a smooth face and dull hair. Damn children.
Interaction with dangerous animals
One afternoon, three beagle-sized raccoons came into my yard. I yelled something like, “Hey raccoons! Get out of here! “They just looked at me. I stepped off the porch and repeated. As they ran across the street, one of them looked back at me with a dirty expression, like a teenager driving an Audi.
Whether it’s a strange dog roaming the area or a coyote on a hiking trail, someday you and your kids will encounter an animal. Yes, you work in the office and play video games in your free time, but the lousy coyote doesn’t know that. For him, you are the supreme predator. Act like this! Even when you are faced with something more poignant. I have never met a black bear in the forest, but they say you have to look big and yell at him. Don’t do this with a grizzly bear! Unlike Leo, you will die and not receive an Oscar. Not sure which is which? Educate yourself .
In a medical emergency
If you guessed wrong about the bear, you can use your dad’s voice again!
But seriously, when you do CPR training, you are told to speak in a loud and clear voice . You must point to a specific person and say, “Call 911!” or “Bring me a first aid kit!” or “Ten milligrams of Epi, STATS!”
When someone has a seizure in a shopping mall or a heart attack in a restaurant, the minds of passers-by respond as dumbfounded, saying, “What?” If you know how to help someone in distress, you should also tell others how they can help you. This requires simple commands transmitted by the papal voice. Do not worry. Nobody will think of you as an overbearing asshole. They will be happy that dad seems to be in charge.