Don’t Blame Others If You Refuse to Help Them Learn.
Welcome back to Mid-Week Meditations , Lifehacker’s weekly dip in the pool of stoic wisdom and a guide to using its waters to meditate and improve your life.
The choice this week belongs to my favorite stoic, Marcus Aurelius. He tells you not to blame people who make mistakes, especially if you don’t want to guide them:
“If he is wrong, teach him affectionately and show him what he could not see. If you can’t do this, blame yourself – or perhaps even yourself. “
Meditation, 10.4
Here’s another translation:
“If someone is wrong, correct him and point out what he missed. But if you can’t, blame yourself – or anyone. ‘
Meditation, 10.4
What does it mean
People make mistakes. When they make a mistake and you feel the need to point it out, at least show them kindness and show them how to avoid it next time. But if you point your finger and refuse to teach, all the blame will be on you. This is your failure, not theirs, because you prefer to neglect the opportunity to do good. Of course, if you can’t help them learn, it’s no one to blame. The mistake they made could easily have been made by you.
What to take from there
No one is to blame. It makes the accused feel discouraged and unwilling to try again, it makes the accused feel righteous and free of guilt, and it cultivates a culture of blaming everyone else. It is a selfish act of self-preservation that aims to reduce people’s opinion of others so that you can look better in comparison. In an environment where learning is often done through trial and error, which is common in most work environments, feeling bad is often punishment enough. There is no need to point your finger and amplify it. Plus, when you work in a team, one person’s failure is everyone’s fault.
You can still point out someone’s mistakes. After all, many people don’t even realize they are making mistakes until someone else does, and they need to be told so they can get better. But if you’re going to highlight someone’s flaws, you must be willing to show them how to avoid them in the future. Guidance helps them learn and encourages them to try again, and through learning, you deepen your understanding of the subject and reinforce your position as a positive and helpful team member. So don’t blame – teach. If you cannot teach because you are also learning, know your place and worry about yourself.