How to Save a Relationship After an Affair
In the fourth and final installment of her State of the Art video series ( named after her book of the same name ), relationship and sex expert Esther Perel explores what happens after a romance ends when a couple decides how (and if) to move forward.
If you’ve committed adultery, Perel recommends expressing serious guilt and remorse, as well as admitting what you did to hurt your partner (I hope you knew that anyway). Likewise, if your partner feels the need to come back to the problem over and over again, don’t be upset or upset that you’ve already apologized; your job is to keep comforting your partner while he is dealing with his emotions.
Instead of isolating yourself, talk about your feelings with friends and loved ones and look for important new experiences that will help restore your damaged sense of value. In addition, while it is important to understand why the betrayal happened, Perel recommends sticking to “investigative” questions (“Why did this happen? Did you look for something that was no longer in our relationship? Have you thought about our relationship?” Children or me? “), and not “detective” questions, which simply concern the painful, bloody details of the case (“Where and how often did this happen?”).
Ultimately, the goal is to determine if you can heal and rebuild your relationship from what Perel calls “a second marriage with the same person.”
Video authors:
Narrated by: Esther Perel
Illustrated by Natalia Ramos.
Animation: Daniel Garcia