How to Help Teens Cope With Anxiety
Anxiety among adolescents is on the rise, according to the New York Times , which is now the most common reason college students seek counseling, and numerous polls show that children in high school and college feel overwhelmed and overwhelmed. Hospital admissions for suicide attempts have doubled over the past decade, and the Times describes hospitals for severely anxious teens.
This is not surprising to Dr. Lynn Sikeland, clinical psychologist at the Children’s and Adult OCD and Anxiety Center in Plymouth, Pennsylvania. “I work a lot with school psychologists and they say that the number of students reporting anxiety has increased and they are reporting more serious anxiety.”
This is partly due to external factors: children living in dangerous or unsafe conditions may have legitimate concerns about their safety. Dr. Sikeland tells me that counseling approaches for these students usually include practical advice that lessens their chances of harm, such as returning home with a buddy if they are afraid to go alone. But she also tells me that some of the highest rates of anxiety and depression are in upper- and middle-class children who experience “a different kind of pressure.” So many children are judged only by their accomplishments. “
Knowing how to help a child with anxiety is difficult: is it necessary to protect the child from all the circumstances that cause anxiety? Free them from school and family responsibilities? Intervene for teachers and coaches when it gets too much?
Dr. Sikeland gives advice to guardians in her parenting workshops, and she told me that she usually gives some basic advice.
Avoid avoidance
“One of the most difficult decisions that comes with raising an anxious teenager is what to push and how much to help,” says Dr. Sikeland. She tells her parents to avoid avoidance . “Don’t let your child not do what they need to do to achieve [socially and academically] success, such as talking to friends and teachers and exploring on their own.” If your child is avoiding something because of anxiety, he and the therapist can come up with strategies to deal with the fear.
Don’t do too much
“Some parents do too much for their child,” she says. “They will call the teacher instead of getting the child to talk to them. They will not ask their teenager to do their normal daily activities. ” Or they will allow the child to skip difficult tasks without planning incremental progress. For example: “The child may not be able to make a presentation in class right now. But we would spend a month or two working on it – they would be practicing making a presentation just for a teacher or friend. Therefore, if parents allow their children not to engage in such tasks, ”without a plan for improvement, they do not provide any services to their child. “Short-term adaptation is necessary, but there must be a plan for long-term growth. If you print their papers for them, you are not protecting them at all. “
Promote gradual progress
To overcome anxiety, according to Dr. Sikeland, you need to “overcome fears step by step.” You do not want to take responsibility for your children – this reduces their competence and self-confidence. ” Help the children come up with gradual steps towards their goals: “In our practice, we say, ‘You need to choose one thing that you are going to do this semester,’” for example, look in the eyes and say hello to three people every day during the lobby, or going out regularly for fries with one or two friendly kids. “It should be a small, personal, ongoing task. If they play sports but don’t do anything other than just show up, you can offer to give another teen a ride home, or stop for a pizza, or offer to take your child and friend to the movies. Offer to make these small steps easier. ”
Make a plan, maybe even a half-thought plan
Dr. Sikeland says that with anxious reactions, things can seem “big, global and impossible.” She offers to help your child write down what to do. Be specific and break down each task step by step. “Sometimes it’s really overwhelming,” she says. “Teens are managing impossible schedules and you can step back and ask ‘an impossible task?” If a teenager is juggling sports and extracurriculars and homework, it may not only seem overwhelming, but in fact be overwhelming. This is where you can use your parental authority: “You prioritize sleep, even if it means changing ratings. Wi-Fi can go out from 11-7. For homework, teach them to do something halfway. Not all homework has to be perfect, says Dr. Sikeland.
When to Seek Professional Help
How much worry is too much? When should a family seek medical advice?
“I tell all parents about two criteria,” says Dr. Sikeland. “First, if the teenager is distressed – if he says he is upset or has physical symptoms such as headaches or abdominal pain. And second, if anxiety is limiting what they have to do or want to do, such as going to school, or not dating, or not seeing friends, ”it may be time to seek professional help.
Go crazy
Dr. Sikeland and I talk briefly about the tremendous pressure many children are under to get into “good” college. “This is my favorite horse,” she says. “I give a lot of presentations [in schools] and advise parents and teenagers to get away from the madness . Some people think that if you don’t [get into a better school] it is a missed opportunity and it is simply not true. Children can study on vacation, there are public schools, there are a number of colleges. You’re driving your child crazy. “She pauses.” But often the pressure comes from the kids too. ” do not do it because they are really interested in it and they like it. “
And as she points out, most of the pressure on parents is actually on parents, so we need to learn how to manage our own anxiety and allow children to make decisions that work for them. Otherwise, she said, they come for their first year, “never ask to rise to take care of their own lives.”