How to Permanently Shut Down an Indulgent Employee
You have problems, I have advice. This tip does not contain powdered sugar – in fact, it does not contain sugar and can even be slightly bitter. Welcome to Tough Love .
This week we have someone wrestling with a lousy colleague who seems to be holding all the cards in hand.
Mind you, I am not a therapist or any other healthcare professional, but just a guy who is willing to talk about it the way it is. I just want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn life. If for any reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here . So let’s get on with it.
Hi, Patrick,
I am curious how to deal with a situation that has arisen at work over the past two years. I have a colleague who is rude, condescending and dismissive of several people in our office (including myself). The problem is that she is in charge of planning and is the unofficial shift supervisor, although officially we are equal at work. In fact, I have seniority. The others, who have suffered the same fate as me, are hesitant to oppose her, given her control over their schedule.
I have tried to raise these issues with her before, but have been rejected or accused of being the real cause of a problem that has never been identified. The head of my department doesn’t like to get his hands dirty and tries to avoid conflicts. Another colleague of mine last year tried to talk to the head of the department about the same problem, but was later reprimanded and said that the problem was her, not the shift supervisor. In lesser cases, it becomes “let’s all talk about this together” where the shift supervisor knows how to milk and return it to the person who is complaining. I would go to HR, but they outsource and don’t technically break any rules. I would leave, but my job is so specialized that in order to leave I will need to move to another city.
I’m stuck on what to do next. I hate the thought of being treated this way, and it really affects my ability to do my job. However, I cannot think of any good options other than direct confrontation, which, I’m afraid, will play into her hands. Any advice?
Stuck in nowhere
Hey, stuck in nowhere :
This sad girl is good . Why? Because she has leverage, and you don’t. Your head of department is useless, your HR department isn’t even there, and you sound like an old ass who can’t stand up for himself. But it’s not over yet, Stuck. She won’t win if you don’t let her.
First, go to HR anyway! Yes. Do it. Record these complaints on the record to keep them official. In fact, let everyone complain about her. If she slips at all in the future, someone will be able to see these complaints and understand how terrible she is. Goodbye then, Barbara (that’s her name in my head). You say the rules haven’t been broken, but I’m pretty sure there is something in the old employee handbook about not being so rude shit to colleagues that it affects people’s ability to do their jobs.
Once you have done this, you will have several options for further action. Choose your favorite:
- Remove her leverage : you say you have seniority, or at least hold an equal footing, so try to become an “unofficial” shift supervisor. Ask your boss if you can do this for a while, or at least one at a time. You can even make it sound like a cute gesture to her and make it seem assertive towards your boss. Here is her strength …
- Be on her side : If you really don’t think you can change her lifestyle, try to get off her shitty list. Figure out how to become her friend so that you can at least work calmly. Offer her a favor, treat her like an old friend, or heck, pay her with a gift or something. She might be dead inside and hate most people, but you can slip into this small percentage of the people she tolerates with neutral acceptance! If you cannot defeat her, join her.
- Stand with her : you are afraid that direct confrontation will play into her hands, but she cannot be so brilliant and devilish. She’s not a super villain, she’s a sad moron who works in your office. You and the rest of your team can turn it off without letting it treat you the way it does. When she says something rude, act like you can’t hear her, or ask her to slow down and explain what she is getting at . When she is dismissive, keep interacting with her until she has no choice but to listen and listen to you. If she tells you to do something, refuse until she changes her tone and asks politely. Confront her and talk about how her actions make you feel, and tell her to stop treating you that way. If everyone finally stopped acting so stupid and showed her that they had enough, she would have no choice but to pretend to be a decent person.
In truth, this woman is an ordinary bully. And the bullies get all their strength from you . Stop playing the victim Stuck and fight fire with fire. She does all this shit because she can get away with it – so stop letting her! She doesn’t necessarily like you, but as a colleague, she should respect you.
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Does work upset you? Are you having problems with a friend or colleague? Is your love life going through rough times? Do you just feel lost in life, as if you have no direction? Tell me, maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me with #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT WRITE TO ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY HAS BEEN REMOVED . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.