How to Make Sex Sexy When You’re Trying to Get Pregnant
“Ooh, how about my sperm meet your eggs tonight?” no man ever asked.
“I feel fertile, honey, would you like to plant your seed in me?” no woman should ever speak, no matter how much child she wants.
What makes sex sexy?
A) Anonymous sex
B) Spontaneous sex
C) Quiet sex
D) Sex for no reason
If you choose A, B, C or D, you win a prize! Unfortunately, if you are trying to have a baby, you may need to consider this question:
What Makes Sex Not Sexy?
A) Timing of sex before ovulation
B) Talking about your ovulation
C) Thinking about your ovulation during sex
D) Raising the legs after sex to increase the chances of implantation.
Let’s be honest: once sex – this is a hitherto fun activity – turns into conceiving a child, it kind of deprives him of pleasure.
But this is not necessary . If you are a woman [1] , here’s how to make sex sexier when you are trying to conceive.
Keep science out of the bedroom
Yes, you can graph your temperature every morning and urinate on a stick to see if you are ovulating (although if you understand how it works, thank you), but do you need to talk about it in the bedroom?
Just like you don’t talk about what you cook for dinner or office politics on your pillow, leave the viscosity of the vaginal mucosa where it should be: in the bathroom.
keep it
Yes, it might sound completely sexist, but as someone who has been trying to have a baby for years, I regret sharing every thought, schedule and feeling with my husband. He stripped away all the secrets (but this is marriage, isn’t it?). I wish I could compare the notes to a girl or other woman trying to have a baby. On the other hand, all partnerships are different. I have friends whose husbands were in charge of everything, even sex on ovulation days. (But they haven’t talked about it in the bedroom yet.)
Let science do its job
If you have already switched to fertility treatment – IUI or IVF – your sex is now actually not for the purpose of conception. Chances are, you can only have sex when you are far from the window of conception. So keep this in mind! This is for practice only.
Schedule Conception Discussions
As much as your partner is involved in trying to conceive, you can schedule a time – once a week, once during your menstrual cycle – to talk about it. It has a way of taking over your every thought, every moment of your thought, so putting it off for a while can help you separate.
Keep your mind sexy
That being said, for many people, sexuality is all in the mind. How can you clear your head before a special night (or morning, as I prefer)? Meditate. Focus on pleasure. Focus on your partner. Focus on your fantasy partner (any Ryans?). Concentrate.
Cut yourself some slack
Look, these are tough times. When you just want to be one of those couples who say, “Oh, we didn’t even try and think about family, and now we’re pregnant!” It’s hard to stay optimistic, positive, not neurotic, or fixated on your cycle and what’s going on in your body. Or your partner’s body. So give yourself some space and understand that sex isn’t going to be as magical as when you tried not to have a baby. That is life. Do it anyway.
Find the silver lining
I won’t lie to you: there are not many benefits to not getting pregnant when you want to. But there are some temporary things you might like:
a) a quiet home for uninterrupted unplanned sex
b) a toned body, unblemished by childbirth
c) long nights of sleep
Um … that’s all. No seriously. The only good thing – and by good I mean “Lessons from the life of the difficult situations that I wish I did not have to endure” – is that when you finally have one or two or three children, and they scream and the house is a mess and you are tired and you have no time, you will be a professional … in sexual sex.
[1] If you are a man, you tend to be very good at division, and you don’t need advice on how to make sex sexy other than through it.