How to Get Your Kids Back to School As Co-Parents
When you’re divorced, the new school year for your kids means a lot of interaction with the ex, and that, in a word, sucks. But, as one mother who visited there writes , there is a main rule of fatherhood, namely: it’s hard, and it doesn’t really concern you.
Get out those Trapper Keepers and sharpen your # 2 pencils – it’s a week back to school ! Going far beyond the classroom, Lifehacker offers you ingenious tricks and ideas on how to start a routine, brush up on old skills, or learn something new this fall.
Your kids need a community of adults to join their team to help them learn, grow, and thrive. Returning to school is an important time to create a system and routine, set expectations for each family member, and build a sense of predictability.
While each situation will look different, here are some ways to make your transition back to school smoother as a co-parent.
Prepare teachers
To minimize confusion and inconvenient remarks, inform your children’s teachers about their family situation, ideally before the first day of school. Provide an overview of their daily routine – who picks them up and picks them up, what days and where they stay each night. Giving teachers this information in advance not only gives them some context for any emotional issues that may arise, but also allows them to plan ahead. Perhaps they will be more sensitive to those My Family projects, which can sometimes be painful for children after a divorce.
Set your own boundaries
You and your ex should strive to act as a united front as co-parents, but only you know what you can handle. Ask what you need. Many teachers are happy to schedule two separate parent-teacher meetings if the meeting is too inconvenient.
After the divorce of writer Erin Silver, she felt “bewildered and upset” when her children’s school asked her to send a family photo. On HuffPost, she shared her thoughts and a solution that worked for her.
Should I send in an old family photo of when my ex-husband and I got married? Should I send in two separate photos: one of the children with their father and his partner, and one of the children and me with mine? In the end, I did what seemed most comfortable and natural to me: I sent one of my boys with their father and one of the boys with me. I was worried that my son would be upset if he had two photos, while everyone else in his class had one family photo, but in fact he was happy that all of his family members were represented.
Synchronize your routines
While no two homes are exactly the same, you and your ex can establish some basic morning and extra-curricular routines to keep your kids on track. Homework, food, and bedtime are three main topics worth discussing. Decide on your rules: can’t you play outside until your homework is done? Is everyone sitting together and eating at the dinner table? No TV on weekday evenings? If you can set roughly the same rules for both houses, your kids will know what to expect and are less likely to bargain using the statement, ” Daddy, we’re doing this … “
Share the calendar
For both parents, you will need one online calendar to share science project deadlines, volleyball practice, and school photo payment deadlines. Google Calendar works well for this.
Older kids can view the shared calendar, but younger kids need something more tangible. This customizable custody calendar from Mighty + Bright (pictured above) allows kids to see which parent they will be with every day of the week. Simple visual aids help put your child’s life in context, letting them know what’s next and reducing anxiety.
Use technology to keep everything together
Co-parenting apps like 2houses , Alimentor, and Our Family Wizard can help you track expenses (from school supplies to health insurance), manage court dates, organize medical records, switch weekends on the calendar, and more.
While this may seem overwhelming at first, this transition back to school will get easier over the years as you and your other parent find a routine that works for everyone.