How to Get Your Schlabby, Bum Boy to the Curb
You have problems, I have advice. This tip does not contain powdered sugar – in fact, it does not contain sugar and can even be slightly bitter. Welcome to Tough Love .
This week we have a woman who is ready to break up with her lazy video game freak, but he lives in her house.
Mind you, I am not a therapist or any other healthcare professional, but just a guy who is willing to talk about it the way it is. I just want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn life. If for any reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here . So let’s get on with it.
Hi, Patrick,
I need advice on my current relationship. We have been together for five years now and have been living together for a little over a year. The point is, it just doesn’t work out. There are several reasons I want to leave, including the fact that for the past six months I have worked full-time, worked part-time and went to school part-time while he only worked two nights a week and spent the best part of his free time playing video games. I endlessly asked him to work more or find another job, but nothing happened. During these six months it was revealed to me that he was always like this, but before living together, I never really noticed it, and now I see that we are just two different people in terms of aspiration, motivation and life goals.
My question for you is: how can I end the relationship with the person who lives in my house? I bought my own home last year and we moved together when I closed the site. So when we’re done, I can’t just find a new place. Am I leaving for the weekend and giving him time to move out? Can I let him stay for a while until he finds his place? Or should I ask him to leave immediately? I am totally worried about what to do when all this happens. Not to mention the fact that I give him all the reasons why I stop it? He sat next to me while I worked two jobs and went to school, but did nothing; he lied to me about smoking in my house and only confessed when I began to oppose him; we agreed that he would look for work closer when he moved to my house, but he didn’t even try; Every weekend he drove to work in my car and then got angry when I got a second job because it meant he couldn’t take any more.
Thanks for your help!
Ready to move on
Hey, ready to move on:
It’s definitely time to let this loser leave a mark on someone else’s couch. You kick your ass non-stop to make a decent living, and this guy won’t even make an effort to improve his financial situation? I guess you pay for most things – which might be okay under certain circumstances – but this dude takes you for granted and cares more about virtual worlds than your feelings in real life. I think he wants a mother, not a girlfriend. You are making the right call.
Anyway, I have good news for you, ready to move on. You will probably find it easier to get things going here since you have your own home (I assume you didn’t buy this place together as it operates two days a week ). This is your home and you can tell him to move whenever you want. Here’s how to do it:
- Tell him it’s over. You can explain why if you want, but keep it tight and focused – like what you told me here. The key here is to give him a “why,” leaving no room for him to say, “I can change, give me another chance …” blah, blah, blah. From the sounds of things, he had plenty of time to “get better.”
- Once the dust settles from the first impact – it could be a few hours or a few days – send him 30 days’ written notice, preferring him to move out as soon as possible. It’s nice to do, and it will persist in housing court if he completely dissolves in the couch and squats. Also, tell him that he can no longer use your car.
- When it’s time for him to leave, you may find it helpful to leave for the weekend (just to avoid him and the stress). But if he’s petty and you’re worried that he’ll steal your shit, stay close and follow the process.
After that, take a deep breath and return to being motivated and kick your ass. He may go back to leveling up or whatever worries him more. Anyway, he’s not your problem anymore.
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Does work upset you? Are you having problems with a friend or colleague? Is your love life going through rough times? Do you just feel lost in life, as if you have no direction? Tell me, maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT WRITE ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY TO OPEN . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.