It’s Time to Admit That Family Day Isn’t Really All That Fun
“We are all together. It should be fun. “
I told myself this every Saturday when I was in the car with my husband and then a toddler, heading for any planned outing – an aquarium, a local fair, or maybe a theme park. But if we shelled $ 15 for a parking space a few blocks away, stood in long lines in the sun, and spent most of the morning wondering whether the child should take a nap before or after our overpriced lunch, I would feel how much feeling that weren’t fun. Basically it’s distraction ( I have so many other things to do this weekend ), annoyance ( seriously, why are we exposing ourselves to stickier, whiny kids? ) And total exhaustion. Of course, at the end of the day, the three of us posed for a cute photo next to a giant jellyfish, and I would post it on social media – time for a family hashtag! – thereby contributing to the tyranny of the damned Family. Day off.
When I got the chance to pick up the Loader: Why Calm Parents Grow Up Happier, Healthier Children book in the library, she spoke to me like no other book for parents lately. British writer Tom Hodgkinson, who takes a strict, non-self-fulfilling approach to parenting, writes about this problem as a problem – of course, a top priority – but which, in my opinion, contributes to an unhealthy push towards perfect parenting on Instagram. …
He explains:
There is no more absurd invention of modern industrial society than a family day. All week you have been stressed at work, trying to fit someone else’s idea of who you should be. You are tired, grumpy and guilty because you hardly saw your children. It’s time, you think, to buy the kids something together. I know! Let’s have some fun! Let’s get everyone in the car and join the rest of the desperate families at the local theme park! We can spend a lot of money there and everything will be fine again!
Can you feel it? I can feel it, and for a while it seemed to me that something was wrong with me. I like my family, right? [ Thinks … ] Yes. I do. It’s not that we never have moments of fun and silliness during our Family Days Out, but I’ve found that it’s usually better when we’re at home together. Family Movie Night, Family Play Night, Family Backyard Picnic, Family Sunday Morning absolutely nothing – everything is good, calm, beautiful. But Family Days Out is usually more stressful than joyful.
Now we really enjoy escaping from the cave sometimes, and Hodgkinson gives some good advice for that: split up.
My other important tip when it comes to family weekends is to split up . We find that any combination of family members – any – is easier than the five of us sandwiched together in a metal box. In fact, any other combination is a joy. I’d rather take the three of them out on my own than go with all five of us. It could be simpler on my own: I do what I want. There is no one to argue with and no one to shift responsibility to: the responsibility lies with you. This also gives Victoria an added bonus. For this reason, I am happy to look after the children alone for three days if V needs some rest or wants to visit friends. In a way, it’s easier because you give yourself completely to the task, not hoping that another person will do it. Then I can be alone for three days in another place. Taking regular breaks from each other is very important.
My daughter is now four years old, and my husband and I are masters of our craft. On weekends, he can take her out in the morning while I run on business, and then we switch. We’ll get together before lunch and talk about our days. It allows my husband and me to do what we each like and be fully present. He enjoys taking our daughter to the local plane museum (I’m not interested in that), and I like going to the beach with her to collect rocks (he hates sand). And we both get a break, too.
While working. When choosing between great success or returning home, I choose the latter.