How to Set a Smartphone Limit for Your Kids
Few teenage experiences can be as liberating as getting a cell phone.
The connection I felt with my first phone (Nokia 6610) bordering on a covalent bond, and it was a connection without access to today’s buffet of games and social media, let alone the Internet in general.
Regardless of what you think generational priorities, the evidence is clear: mobile internet access has become an essential element of the adolescent experience , and the age at which children connect to the internet is falling.
Put your teen’s (or pre-teen’s) screen time in context
A 2016 survey by Influence Central found that the average age of the first smartphone is in the shadows north of 10. These phones are used for more than just security checks with parents. The same report found that half of the children surveyed had at least one social media account by age 12.
The proliferation of smart devices presents unique challenges for parents, and all this increase in screen time can cause conflicts in the home. The Reuter article cites that a third of households argue daily about the time spent on the devices. But while watching a toddler skillfully and intuitively manipulate a device prior to language acquisition can be a little unnerving, it is wise not to reflexively limit. Instead, choose an individual approach based on the age, personality, and individual needs of your child.
For example, if your child asks to watch something educational or falls in love with a game that encourages activity, the amount of screen time you allow may fluctuate.
Flexibility is vital for another reason too, because as kids grow up, smartphones take on an increased symbolic meaning, to the point that unplugging them entirely can have more serious consequences than you think, including discouraging their social life. development and identity.
Each child interacts with devices differently
“For teens, phones or tablets are often ‘security devices’ in different ways,” explains Amanda Lenhart, a senior fellow at The Associated Press who has studied the relationship between technology and adolescents for 15 years. “As a parent, if you choose to ground them from their phones, you disconnect them from the information of the day.”
Because of this social function, Lenhart is hesitant to use the term “addiction” when referring to adolescent preoccupation with devices, instead pointing to new research that identifies this phenomenon as “differential susceptibility.” Just as adults interact with a substance like alcohol, some teens hold back while others struggle to control themselves.
“The point of many of these platforms, the gamification of features, is to keep you coming back, this is how they make money,” Lenhart warns, “so parents need to understand how their child is reacting to something like this and adapt to it. their approach to parenting for responsible digital adulthood. “
This path requires a variety of techniques, so we spoke with parents of three age groups to determine the best practices to monitor digital use.
Ages 0-6: Track and Set Limits
Six and younger is probably too young for a cell phone of his own, but the appeal of using the devices shows up early on with the plethora of streaming videos and kids-focused apps .
Melissa Frame, a mother of two girls (2 and 4 years old), has already noticed the desire for greater digital independence in her 4-year-old child. “Now that she’s a little older, she’s interested in watching videos of adults unpacking toys and playing with them,” she explains. “Sometimes people in videos force their dolls to do rude things, like pooping or vomiting. Seriously, damn it? So I watch her filming more closely than with my two-year-old daughter. “
The frame also monitors usage, setting time limits (she tries to keep them around 20 minutes a day) and encouraging watching videos as a reward for good behavior. “These videos are mostly of no educational value, so I use them more as a pleasure.” She also looks for cute videos that she approves of and recommends them for impromptu viewing if she needs to complete an assignment. “I’ll tell you who wants to watch a video of a baby shark? This is often enough to keep them away from strange videos. ”
Matt Mundy, father of a 6-year-old son and two daughters (3 and 4), also notes how important your own example is when teaching young children about responsible device use: “I try to be aware of how much I can focus on my phone. It’s unfair and hypocritical for me to expect them not to use the phone if I’m on the phone. ”
This means taking extra care in dealing with your own urge to use your phone when you are with the family or when you want your kids to be without devices as they get older. “When we go out with the whole family, if we eat breakfast, I really don’t have a phone,” Mundy says, “and before bed, when they calm down, we try not to over-stimulate them.”
Ages 6 to 12: Realize the Importance, Stay Involved
As the aforementioned studies have shown, this is usually the age range when parents buy a phone for their child, which means that during this period you can also see how your role changes from everyday adjuster to periodic advisor.
As his son approaches adulthood, Mundy prepares himself mentally for this possible lust for a personal screen. “This is a decision that worries me for the next few years. It’s Pandora’s box, but it’s also completely impractical for him not to have a phone. “
Late elementary and elementary high school begins to draw the boundaries of social communities, and if you add a mobile phone to your child’s role in this dynamic, keep in mind that their interactions with devices will be regulated outside the home.
At home, when you’ve given them their own phone, this is the perfect time to formulate specific ground rules and expectations. The more specific the better, but be as consistent as possible: don’t use phones during family meals at home, don’t use social apps or games until homework is done, check-in messages when leaving or arriving, and T. D.
When defining your rules, make sure you understand what cell phone rules are being put in place at their school, as they are likely to change with age as well. Suzanne Poppke is an educator who has worked on both sides of the transition from elementary to high school, where she witnessed the growing importance of smartphones as a social tool.
Poppke says high school is the age where kids start to take in reverence for online content, and she explains, “They’re constantly talking about the digital world. Many of their social [personal] interactions revolve around online content. They idolize the people they find through social media. “
Therefore, high school usually has stricter rules on phone use, which can affect how your teen uses services outside the classroom. At Poppke High School, students registered smartphones at the beginning of the year and had to keep them in a closet all day. Such draconian measures can lead to an increased desire to use the telephone at home. Change your rules accordingly, keeping in mind the social value of the phone to your teenager.
The current generation of adolescents is linked to cultural criteria that emerge on the web, making communication with this area vital to their social development and identity cultivation. Consequently, teachers like Poppke are using digital culture to forge friendships with new students and maintain classroom interest.
This is a valuable method for parents as well, since once the threshold for using the telephone as a social tool has been crossed, regulation becomes more difficult. Stick to your ground rules as best you can, but also invest more in learning about the types of content your teen is consuming and how it acts in building their social personality.
You don’t have to dig into their favorite YouTube channels or dwell on their browser history, but asking who their online heroes are, or asking them to watch a few of their favorite videos with you, not only helps you keep your finger on the pulse. what they watch confirms who they become online.
If you’re worried about them accessing content that you deem truly inappropriate, you can take proactive steps to filter out what your teen might be accessing online. Services such as Net Nanny and Qustodio are trying to offer customizable end-to-end solutions that change browsers, set time limits, track calls, and monitor social media to keep young users free from explicit content, profanity and pornography.
These services work on family PCs, laptops, and devices, but can be expensive. Plus, Google’s Family Link is free but has been rigorously vetted as it allows teens 13 and older to lift restrictions on their own .
Tech-savvy teens tend to be more likely to look for ways to bypass filters as they get older, and some filter features might be too aggressive for some (Qustodio lets you read your kids’ text messages on an Android device), so remember that the service never replaces your own awareness and participation.
Observing and recognizing your child’s online identity is essential in guiding them towards Lenhart’s vision of “responsible digital adulthood,” whether you impose content, watch, or data restrictions. Emphasize that the phone is no longer just a distraction or a reward for good behavior, but a tool to help shape the person it becomes.
Ages 12-18: Build trust gradually, plan off-device activities
The end of high school and the beginning of high school are where the biggest challenges arise as children deepen and expand their social identity both offline and online. By the age of 12, most classmates are evaluating their own cell phones, so peer pressure intensifies on children without a phone.
“At the beginning of the 6th grade, my daughter started asking for one. Everyone in her class had one, ”recalls Manny Bocchieri, whose daughter is now 14 and in high school. “We started with a regular emergency phone, but every year the pressure increased to get a smartphone for her. She couldn’t take pictures with a torch. At 12 we gave in and gave her an old iPhone. “
High school is an important time for community building and learning how to identify as part of social circles. Teens are increasingly eager to become infected with the parasite outside the home.
“It’s damn hard,” Bocchieri says, “expanding the understanding of the boundaries of her personality. She goes out with friends, she has money to spend. She wants to document life and prove that she is part of the tribe. For us, it’s like trusting her to step into the water at 8 feet, knowing that next year will be 9. “
While giving up control, it is still important to adhere to certain rules. Bocchieri demands that he be able to follow all of his daughter’s social media profiles, and asks her to stop using the phone when the battery goes below 20%, in an emergency.
It does not always work. Teens love to explore the boundaries of rules, and apps like Snapchat offer communication that goes beyond what parents can see, not to mention teens are more geared towards new apps than you are, which puts them one step ahead of services. filtration.
All of these factors pose a bigger problem for parents: as smartphones become more socially important, they can take more time from adolescents. As Lenhart explains, “The desire to stay in touch with friends is reasonable, although parents need to know how much self-control their teen is capable of.”
According to Lenhart, it is difficult to immediately remove phones from children 12-18 years old for two related reasons:
- This completes the social-emotional cycle, for which your child is more valuable the older he is.
- Teens come up with creative ways to work around their limitations (using public computers, borrowing friends’ phones) so that they can continue to participate in their social interactions.
Getting your teen to engage behind the scenes is generally more successful when the decision is proactive rather than reactive. “If my daughter mentions a hobby that intrigues her, I immediately double it down to keep her active,” Bocchieri suggests. “Does she want to play drums? I’ll sign her up for class as soon as possible and put some drumsticks in her hand. “
This is where tracking data or time use through a device or service can be especially useful. It may be harder to impose restrictions on older teens, but you can encourage them to expand their schedule with more active extracurricular options if the time on certain apps starts to increase.
If the problems persist, other non-invasive solutions can be found in the hardware itself or in the media that provides the data connection. Many Android models are more affordable and customizable than their iPhone counterparts, while Verizon and AT&T offer prepaid plans designed specifically for teens, allowing parents to limit the amount of non-Wi-Fi data available and time, texting and shopping. Keep in mind, however, that plans like these do not limit the amount of data a device can consume while connected to a Wi-Fi network, so you can still use a monitoring or filtering service for devices at home.
test yourself
No matter how many of the above techniques you use, the tutorials won’t have the same resonance if you routinely check your own phone.
Regardless of age, parents should emphasize the importance of spending time off screen, especially when you most want family interaction, such as mealtime. If you have a rule that prohibits the use of telephones at the dinner table, make sure you follow and apply it to all of your children, regardless of their age. May the time you want to be device-free be sacred to all.
If nothing seems to be working and getting away from the overwhelming tsunami of content on the Internet is too difficult for you or your kids, I’d be happy to sell you a little-used Nokia 6610.