How to Deal With a Flirty Professor
You have problems, I have advice. This tip does not contain powdered sugar – in fact, it does not contain sugar and can even be slightly bitter. Welcome to Tough Love .
This week we have a college student wondering if her professor is flirting with her – and she doesn’t like it.
Mind you, I am not a therapist or any other healthcare professional, but just a guy who is willing to talk about it the way it is. I just want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn life. If for any reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here . So let’s get on with it.
I’m in college. Previously, my professor didn’t bother me much, but now I start asking him questions. I changed my hair to red one day and he complimented it on how good it was, even though I hated it. I’ve never seen him comment on someone else’s appearance. A few days later I dressed quite fashionably and changed my hair back to black because I was out with my boyfriend that night and he said, “Wow, another look, honey!” I brushed it off.
Then, another time in class, I talked to my friend and asked her to call me by my nickname. He overheard and asked me why I didn’t ask him about it. I just told him that I see no reason for this, but since then he still calls me by my nickname. He also gave us a quiz and one of the questions asked what we think he can do to improve the class. I said, “It would be nice to have one day a week for tutoring.” This is where things get a little weird …
When he returned our quizzes, he made sure to let me know that I was the only one he answered in the quiz. When I read his little answer, he said, “Okay, let’s try this, [my nickname]. Nice to see you in class. ” Is he flirting ????
Sincerely,
Not hot for the teacher
Hey, not hot for the teacher :
Here’s the thing: if you think he’s flirting, then he’s flirting. So if you feel this creeping atmosphere, that’s enough to say that it is. I think he’s flirting and I can’t even make out his body language or anything. He calls you your nickname when you didn’t ask him, he monitors your appearance – and tracks it – and he comments on that appearance right in your face. Plus a weird note on your quiz. This is a little out of place, Professor Horndog. But here’s the nail in the coffin: he doesn’t do it to anyone else (at least you say so). I mean, if he was like that, it would still be inappropriate, but obviously he took a special interest in you, lady. It looks like you’re not interested in his Extra Credits version.
So the real question is, what do you do about it? Firstly, I would not attend his romantic solo classes, created especially for you. If he says these things in front of people, imagine what he might say or do when the two of you are alone in the room. Ugh. He may not actually be a complete git, but you are probably better off getting tutoring from a classmate if he makes you uncomfortable. Think about it – you won’t be able to focus and learn if you stay alert all the time.
Other than that, you have two options. The first thing that’s not ideal is to ignore it until this tutorial is over. If you don’t see him again after this semester, just hang your head, do your job, and move on. But if he’s your advisor or your regular professor, that’s not an option. And I think you better do something about it, so …
The second option – “Not hot for the teacher” – tell him that what he is doing makes you uncomfortable. Don’t make a demo out of this. Do this in private during business hours and say, “Mister. Horndog (but actually I use his name), I am uncomfortable when you use my nickname and comment on my appearance. I would be grateful if you would stop. Now he will probably get defensive and say that he didn’t mean anything in his words, but it doesn’t matter what he meant. Say, “It’s okay, you don’t need to explain. I just want you to stop. Thank you. “Remember, you do not discuss his intentions with him, you tell him what you think about it, and as your teacher he should respect it … period. He may not realize that he is uncomfortable. Although you feel a little worried , he may think you are okay with it in his brain. Until you say something, he will probably continue.
Whatever you choose, write down everything he tells you and when. If you decide to ask him to stop, write that down as well. Thus, you will have a lot of evidence in case the situation escalates and it needs to be referred to the highest authorities. You will never know…
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Does work upset you? Are you having problems with a friend or colleague? Is your love life going through rough times? Do you just feel lost in life, as if you have no direction? Tell me, maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me with #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT WRITE TO ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY HAS BEEN REMOVED . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.