When Do You Ignore Your Child?
Hearing this parental advice was an epiphany for me: if your child asks you the same question a hundred times in a row, you don’t have to answer a hundred times. Just say, “This is my final answer,” and ignore the other 99.
Catherine Perlman, a parenting coach with a background in the social field, has written a book that describes the idea of turning your back on annoying child behavior. Title: Ignore this . Her theory is similar to the one we use to train animals: Encourage only the behavior you want to see again . Even negative interactions, such as yelling at a child, can be rewarding, she said. Thus, you are ignoring the behavior you want to stop.
But this approach requires careful judgment. If your child is hurt or upset, you certainly don’t ignore him. Even when nagging is aimed at getting attention, some children will exaggerate their attention-grabbing behavior beyond your ability to stand with a stone face. And you can’t ignore your child all the time, because every child needs the love and attention of parents. (Pearlman’s decision is to turn away from the whining, but be prepared to get down to business by offering snacks or hugs as soon as the whining stops.)
So I ask you wise parents: when do you ignore your child? Do you announce ahead of time like me? And how do you judge whether ignoring them works?