A Business for Adults to Eat
Last week, as all the writers gathered for a glorious meeting in New York, I found myself in the wine cellar with Beth and Patrick , looking for water bottles and nutritious snacks. I took Lunchable and later, stuffing stacks of too round slices of turkey and cream cheese into my mouth, I thought, “Why don’t I eat them more often?”
To be honest, I don’t eat them more often because – if you’re not in a specific location in terms of booze – the Lunchables of my youth don’t really taste that good, but that doesn’t mean they’re bad, conceptually. … After all, sausage planks are just an adult meal , and sausage planks are good . But as if the Lunchables for real kids taught me something, it’s that you don’t have to stick to the classic meat-cheese-cracker configuration. In fact, the only building rules for Lunchable are:
- The contents inside should not require cooking and should be eaten as is, without additional preparation, preferably without utensils.
- The various foods inside the Lunchable should be paired with any other food in the Lunchable, with the exception of the optional dessert, which should be consumed last. (And preferably Oreo cookies or a fun Snickers bar.)
- The food inside must be neatly divided into sections and in such a way that the consumer can almost whisper, “Shut up, you’re safe. After all, there is order in this world. “
Some of my favorite mature DIY Lunchable combos contain the following:
- Salami + crispy bread slices + parma slices + grapes
- Grilled chicken pieces + mini pita bread + hummus + chopped grape tomatoes
- Fancy crackers + sliced figs + sliced cheddar
- Mortadella (freaky Bolognese with attitude) + American cheese (yell at me) + Ritz crackers (yeah, yell some more)
- Rice crackers + boiled cold shrimp (or is it artificial crab meat) + cucumber slices + wasabi paste + bags of soy sauce
Once you have a convenient and tasty combination, simply pack it in a bento box – or a resealable container separated by cupcake liners or something else – and refrigerate until you feel like it. Lunchables for adults are great, easy-to-cook dinners, but I recommend making one for yourself and then the next time you get ready for the night to have a drink. This not only ensures that you actually eat something before falling asleep in your ethanol-soaked sleep, but it also keeps you off the stove, which is very important.