Strapon Guide for Beginners
One of the great things about strap-ons is that anyone can use them. If you have a penis, you can use a strap-on. If you don’t have a penis, you can use a strap-on. You can use a strap-on to penetrate a partner of either gender, break down gender stereotypical roles, or play with those roles. You can use one for fun, or you can use one for erection or orgasm problems. You can use the strap-on for vaginal sex, anal sex , oral sex, manual sex, or masturbation.
If you’re interested in giving it a try, here’s a beginner’s guide.
Learn the basics
The strap is obviously intended to mimic the look and feel of a penis. The basic setting for the strap consists of a harness and a dildo. The dildo has an expanding base; The strap usually has an o-ring through which the dildo is threaded. The combination of an expanding base and an O-ring keeps the dildo in place against the user’s pelvis.
Belts usually come in one of three styles:
- Joxtrep. This option looks like a classic bandage with straps at the waist and on each buttock.
- Thong. This style is similar to a thong with a strap at the waist and a strap between the legs and between the buttocks.
- Underwear. This option usually looks like underwear or boxers. You can use them to wear the dildo all day or during sex.
Dildos come in every size, shape, material, and color you can imagine. You can get very realistic or more playful ones.
How to buy a strapon
Here’s the bad news about strap-ons: getting the right harness and dildo combination is an investment of both your time and your money. It can take a while to figure out what you like, and sometimes you won’t know until you make a purchase and try it out. When it comes to harness and dildo, you also get what you pay for, so I don’t recommend saving money (especially if you think strapon play is going to be an important part of your sex life). It takes time and patience, but the payback is worth it.
If there is a good sex shop in your area, I highly, highly recommend shopping in person. A qualified salesperson will guide you through the entire process. Many stores even have a strap-on workshop. The ability to watch and touch the seat belt and dildo is of the utmost importance during the buying process. If you need to shop online, read as many reviews as possible. Reviews can provide surprisingly detailed and informative information about your options.
Here are some tips for buying seat belts:
- Make sure you have an adjustable harness made of comfortable material (usually leather or nylon). The strap should be tight enough for you to have the most control over your dildo. Adjustable shoulder straps help you get the fit you want.
- Some straps can be used with different sizes of dildos, while others can only be used with certain sizes of dildos. Make sure you understand which model you are buying.
- You can get a harness with a bullet vibrator attachment that vibrates your clitoris. Since you won’t feel any physical stimulation from using the dildo itself, a vibrator can be a good addition.
And some tips about dildos:
- If you have a regular partner, you can let him choose a dildo as he will be penetrated by it.
- Make sure your toy is made from a body-safe material, usually silicone. Many sex toys are made of porous materials that release chemical compounds called phthalates. You can read more about this here . If it doesn’t explicitly talk about body safety, don’t get it.
- If you really enjoy wearing a dildo, from a role play or gender perspective, you might also consider buying a soft dildo that can be worn all day. (This is often referred to as “packaging.”) These types of dildos should resemble a non-erect penis.
Getting used to my gear
At first it seems strange to wear a harness and a dildo. It’s a whole extra appendage that you may never have had before. It takes time to connect with your new body part.
I recommend that you wear your seat belts and dildo alone for a while. Wear them at home when engaging in non-sexual activities. Wash the dishes with a dildo. Watch TV with a dildo on. Give yourself time to get used to it and feel how the belt works with your body. The more comfortable you are using it on your own, the easier it will be to use it with a partner.
I also highly recommend strapon masturbation. It can be very hot to masturbate or play with a dildo by touching other parts of the body, and it definitely helps to bond with it.
Using a strapon with a partner
Once you get comfortable with your gear, you may feel ready to start using it with your partner. Here again, I recommend going slowly. Let your partner see you in your new purchases. Wear seat belts and a dildo when kissing with your partner.
It can also get incredibly hot when your partner jerks off a dildo or gives him a blowjob if you both enjoy it.
If you want to use a strap for penetration, the most important tip I can give you is to use an incredible amount of lubricant. Make sure your partner knows they need to tell you at any time to stop and apply more lubricant. Remember, never use like with like when it comes to lubrication. If your dildo is silicone based, you will not be able to use silicone lubricant with it. Use water based instead.
You may have never used a pushing motion during intercourse before. If so, the pushing will be extremely strange at first! You just don’t have the muscles that develop when you push. Lots of people go ridiculously overboard trying to figure out how to inject, but I recommend trying to subtle your movements until you get the hang of it. If you have a male partner, ask him for a pushing lesson. The Cancer pose is a great position for beginners – it tends to be easiest for beginners because it does not require the same level of hip strength. Or, you can try the missionary position, where you can focus more on countering your partner.
If you get inside a person with a woman’s body, you can play the amazingly difficult game “Where is the hole?” Before you start feeling like a lost teen desperate to lose virginity, use your fingers to find your vagina and then point the dildo there.
When it comes to sex, communication is always key and strapon sex is no different. Ask your partner to give you a lot of feedback on what he likes. Walk carefully and slowly until both of you learn.
Follow-up care
Sometimes strapon sex can be an emotional experience for both partners. It may seem like wearing a strap on for the first time is very vulnerable. It can seem really vulnerable the first time you have strapon intercourse. If something comes up, let it pop up. Communicate with each other throughout the process, and then talk about it.
On a more logistic level, make sure you clear your gear as soon as possible. Follow the manufacturer’s instructions for the best method. Keep in mind that if you have sex with multiple partners, you need to use a condom with your dildo to prevent STI transmission.
And have fun.