How to End a Relationship With a Compulsive Sex Friend
You have problems, I have advice. This tip does not contain powdered sugar – in fact, it does not contain sugar and can even be slightly bitter. Welcome to Tough Love .
This week we have a guy looking to end his sex buddy who seems to think there is more to it.
Mind you, I am not a therapist or any other healthcare professional, but just a guy who is willing to talk about it the way it is. I just want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn life. If for any reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here . So let’s get on with it.
I work for a large company and ended up hanging out with a colleague (in another department) who I ended up having sex with. But the most interesting thing is that I never really “met” her. We talked about sex from the beginning and finally crossed that line. Since then we’ve had sex probably 10-15 times (they’re all pretty fantastic by the way), but I can tell she’s leaning towards wanting more. She uses pet names, but I don’t. We only hang out in our apartments – we don’t hang out at work at all – and we never went on dates. I’ve brought her Starbucks twice … that’s all.
I usually avoid this question and let her know that I am busy. I write back to her, but I don’t actually start texting and I have significantly reduced my need to have sex with her. But we always end up hanging out when I’m bored on Saturday and have sex anyway. I don’t dislike her company, but when we’re done, I can tell her that this is much more than sex.
Even though she said she only likes sex, I feel like she wants more. It’s been over a year since we first spoke, and I’m starting to believe that she thinks we are more serious than we are. I’ve never been good at breaking up, so I’m curious what this situation requires. May I write to her? Phone call? An awkward conversation in person? I want to be respectful, but I don’t want it to look more serious than it really is. It seems to me that in speaking to her in person, I kind of acknowledge a “commitment” that I have never really felt.
Sincerely,
Without feeling it
Hey, I don’t feel:
I must say a little communication in this situation would be of great importance. First, you definitely need to talk to her in person about getting it over. How old are you dude? For heaven’s sake, you’ve been close to this woman at least 10 times in a few months! And you are friends – FRIENDS – for over a year! I don’t understand why you don’t think it requires a face-to-face meeting … What, you can only see her in person if that means you can fuck her? Damn it, show some sympathy.
Talking to her like she’s someone you even remotely care about doesn’t automatically mean you’ve ever been involved in a super-serious relationship. Even so, you want to end everything, so it doesn’t matter. There is no Serious Relations Bureau to mark this on your permanent dossier. Call her, ask to meet you in a public place ( not in your apartment or where you work ) and tell her what is happening. She might like this ending because she wants something real. She may be a little confused and you will have to explain what is bothering you. Or or! You may simply find that you are not the mega stallion you thought you were, and that she is no longer interested in anything.
Maybe this is what she means when she says, “She only likes sex,” maybe she calls the pet because she doesn’t want to say your name (or doesn’t want to mix it with someone else’s); maybe the fact that you never went on a date and were nowhere, but your apartment is exactly what she wanted; maybe the fact that she initiates text messages makes you call HER ass. I’m not saying it’s true, but you’ll never know until you talk to her about it.
Have you ever thought about this situation from her point of view? She may not be the kind of damaged, precious thing that needs something other than your “pretty fantastic” love. Either way, stand up and speak to her in person, with your mouth. Everything will be fine and you will have the opportunity to clear the air if confusion arises. This is what mature, respectful adults do.
Now, before you move on to “Not Feeling It,” I have one more piece of advice. I don’t know what conversations you had, you didn’t say, but if this is exactly how you say it, you should have been more honest about the situation from the very beginning. You should have said that you are not interested in dating or serious relationships because your current schedule of “hanging out> making friends> having sex> keeping it going” is so much like your typical dating trajectory. I could see where you can get confused if you don’t clearly understand that you are just sex buddies.
That’s all for this week, but I still have a lot of frank and honest advice. Tell me what is bothering you? Does work upset you? Are you having problems with a friend or colleague? Is your love life going through rough times? Do you just feel lost in life, as if you have no direction? Tell me, maybe I can help. I probably won’t make you feel warm and misty inside, but sometimes you need tough love. Ask a question in the comments below or email me at the address you see at the bottom of the page ( please include “TIP” in the subject line ). Or tweet me #ToughLove ! Also, DO NOT WRITE ME IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR INQUIRY TO OPEN . I don’t have time to answer everyone for fun. “Until next time, figure it out yourself.