How to Get a Certified and Be a Great Help at a Friend’s Wedding [update]
We all know how easy it is to become the official at a friend’s wedding, right? Just a couple of taps on your phone’s browser and you’re ordained! Well, it turns out that this path cannot lead to a legal marriage that could harm your friend’s life. Here’s how to become an official and what to say when you marry two people you care about.
As noted by The New York Times , some states do not recognize marriages by ministers without members, and other states have vague laws against religious leaders online. This includes ordinances from sites such as Universal Life Church and American Marriage Ministries, which we often hear about as quick ways to get certified. So, just in case, take the completely legal path.
Get through the government
Your friend has several options they can go if they want to make sure their marriage is legal.
- Have a civil ceremony at the courthouse before the wedding ceremony and then ask you to host the wedding ceremony (which will be more for show than actual legal marriage).
- You become the Deputy Marriage Commissioner for one day if the county in which they are marrying permits. Here are San Francisco ‘s requirements as an example. Google the name of the city or county, and “wedding” or “county clerk’s office” and click to select the result that most looks like it is the city in which you are going to marry your friends (it probably has .gov ending in URL). This should give you the information you need to obtain a certificate to marry your friend.
As with most situations, there are other workarounds, such as when an ordained priest performs the actual part of the marriage ceremony and you give a personal speech beforehand, but the above options allow you to fulfill your marriage vows yourself. You may need to spend a little more time and energy in paperwork and visiting the county clerk, but in the end it will be worth it. If you or your friend don’t like any of them, you can always check the state laws to see what is allowed and what is not (but be warned that some of these laws can be rather unclear).
Speak flawlessly
With the legal side of things cleared up, you can start working on what you actually say to bring your friend and partner closer together. Professional speechwriter Bob Lerman says you have to remember that you are not just performing the ceremony movements, you are creating memories for the couple and everyone at the wedding. Lehrman summarizes the purpose of your presentation:
There are a few things to keep in mind when writing and practicing your speech:
- Use body language to emphasize what you are saying . Practice which gestures will be combined with which parts of your speech to make a well-directed presentation.
- Focus on the couple . As Lerman says, “People don’t want to chat about the meaning of marriage for a long time. They would like to hear about the meaning of this marriage. ” So include a couple of stories about the couple with the intention of shedding light on how good they are and making the audience warm and fuzzy.
- Dissipated stress . Acknowledge differences in culture, tradition, religion, or other things that can cause friction between families or guests. The main thing is to return what unites the couple and families.
- Give people an idea of what’s in store for them . Lehrman suggests helping people understand what is happening during the ceremony (especially if they are not familiar with certain traditions) by creating a roadmap. He gives an example: “So we will start with a Hindu ceremony in which …” If you are not sure what will happen in the ceremony, or the meaning of the traditions included in the ceremony, ask your friend to talk about the events. so you can do your own research and back up what you find with them. They may also have a family member with whom they can put you in touch who is familiar with the traditions of the ceremonies.
Whatever you decide to include in your comments, give the couple at least a month’s preview so they can flag anything they don’t like and you have time to tweak. After all, this is their day.
Update 7/12/2017 10:20 AM: This article has added more details on working with local governments to obtain legal certification.