Wanting to Be Happy Can Make You Unhappy – Here’s What to Do Instead.
A recent study on depression and anxiety found that social pressure to be happy can lead to higher levels of depression.
“We’re really starting to understand that the culture and social environment we live in is important in determining our levels of depression and how we respond to negative events,” said Brock Bastian, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Melbourne. School of Psychological Sciences.
Depression is more common in Western countries such as the United States than in the East, where people are more likely to recognize the relationship between positive and negative emotions. People in the East are not happier on their own, but they are less depressed.
“Depression is an epidemic,” Bastian said. “If this is more common in some cultures than others, we must look beyond individual biology to understand how these cultural factors can contribute to our depression.”
A study by Bastian and others examined the relationship between social expectations of happiness and depression symptoms. It turned out that the more pressure someone was pressed to make him happy, the more depressive symptoms he had.
Another study by Bastian found that people who felt social pressure to be happy experienced more reflections after failure. It’s important to get rid of failure because too much thinking can lead to depression.
“There has been a transition to a differentiated assessment of positive and negative emotions,” Bastian said. “We value positive emotions much more. We believe that negative emotions are useless for us. “
Fortunately, there are many ways to change our perception so that we can focus less on trying to be happy.
Be mindful of social impact
“We don’t often realize how much happiness is being stuffed down our throats,” Bastian said. “Every time you see an ad, you see happy people. Advertisers don’t sell their product with negative faces. They say that if we work harder, make more money, and buy more things, we will be as happy as the people in the ad. ” By recognizing these influences, we can better control our response to them.
It is also important to remember when using social media that other people tend to present an idealized picture of their life, not the whole story. “We are surrounded by this constant pressure to be happy, and we think other people must have achieved this because we see it around us, but everyone has negative feelings,” Bastian said.
Change the conversation
It might make sense to focus on the positive aspects of negative situations, but it can actually backfire . Denial has many benefits, including building stronger, more authentic relationships.
“People communicate much more by sharing negative information,” Bastian said. “It forms connections between people, which the exchange of positive information cannot do. Don’t always try to frame it in a positive way. Speak about it sincerely and sincerely. ” Obviously, being negative all the time isn’t good , but it’s important to be honest about your feelings.
Reach your goals
Instead of focusing on being happy, you should set goals that give you a sense of purpose. “A happy life often involves experiencing negative events,” Bastian said. “We need to challenge ourselves; we often need to do things that are inconvenient or difficult. As a result, we experience happiness, but the result is not just positive emotionality. ” Like training, the process of achieving a goal requires struggle, but leads to a sense of satisfaction.
To progress towards your goals, you should start by focusing on a few of them and breaking them down into smaller and more tangible goals . There are even apps to help you stay on track . But most importantly, you should enjoy the process of working on something.
Focus on other people in relationships
The way you surround yourself has a huge impact on your well-being . Sometimes a relationship ends , but often you can improve your relationship by changing the way you approach it.
Instead of judging the relationship based on how happy it makes you feel, focus on the other person. Relationships should not be self-serving. “When we focus on happiness as a goal, it makes our relationship very self-centered,” Bastian said. “It’s primarily an empty reason for a relationship.”
Sacrifice and dedication are what lead to better, more fulfilling relationships, even when they are uncomfortable. “Understanding what we have to offer other people is a really important path to building meaningful relationships with people. And this is often due to the fact that we try our best to do what you don’t want to do. ”
On social media, it’s easy to compare yourself to others and get stuck on the number of likes a post gets. Instead, we can positively use social media to build deeper relationships with others.
“We can communicate with people in truly authentic ways, but we also need to develop these connections both locally and globally,” Bastian commented. “Social media can be helpful in maintaining communication.”
To be sad
The usual happiness advice is considered positive, but too much effort can lead to more suffering. Instead, accept your sadness and allow yourself to be sad when you are sad. There are many therapeutic activities that people can do to relieve sadness, such as listening to sad music and / or crying .
While you shouldn’t give up on your gratitude journal , you shouldn’t ignore your negative feelings either. “Sometimes we don’t feel grateful. Sometimes we don’t feel positive about ourselves, and it’s important to accept that as well as appreciation. ” Plus, being in a bad mood has many benefits , like improving memory.