Why We Love Ourselves but Care More About Other People’s Opinions
Welcome to Mid-Week Meditations , Lifehacker’s weekly dive into the pool of stoic wisdom and how you can use that to reflect on and improve your life.
In this inaugural article, I will quote from my favorite Stoic, the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius . This comes from his collected personal writings, which were later published as Reflections :
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but their opinion cares more than our own. If God – or even a wise man – appeared to us and forbade us to hide our thoughts or imagine anything without shouting out immediately, we would not live a single day. That’s how much we value other people’s opinions, not ours. ” – Meditations 12.4
Here’s another translation:
“I have often wondered why every man loves himself more than all other people, but at the same time values his own opinion of himself less than the opinion of others. If then God or a wise teacher introduces himself to a person and invites him not to think about anything and not create anything that he would not express as soon as he conceived it, he would not be able to endure it even for one day. We respect much more what our neighbors think of us than what we think of ourselves. ” – Meditations 12.4
What does it mean
As for living organisms, our number one priority is our own survival, well-being and personal preferences. Even the most generous and unselfish of us will seek number one in the first place. This is how we are made. However, when it comes to opinions, we tend to look at others first as if we need their guidance. Whether we like it or not, we are greatly influenced by what others believe, even though our own opinion of ourselves should be treated with at least equal respect.
It’s enough times that you’re called a “loser,” and you start to feel that way, even if it’s not what you really think of yourself. If all the people you know say the movie is bad, you will try to convince yourself that it should be, even if you personally found it enjoyable and enriching. “I must be wrong,” you conclude, “I suppose I am not smart enough to say.” We instinctively take care of ourselves, but we lack a certain certainty when it comes to standing up for what we really think about.
What to take from there
Recognize that your opinion of yourself and what you enjoy matters – perhaps not to the world in general, but at least to you . Be aware and try to notice when other people’s opinions exceed your own. And be influenced not by these opinions, but only by the facts when they are well presented to you. Be kind and kind, but take pride in your unique view of the world. It’s okay if it’s different; in the realm of opinions, there is no right or wrong. Your voice should be as valuable as any other in your own mind.