How to Politely Tell Someone They’ve Got Shit in Their Teeth
Imagine that the evidence that someone was having dinner is stuck right between her front teeth and a fight begins: will you tell that person? You have to do it with grace so that both parties can remain dignified, but it is difficult, especially if you hardly know her. And by then, would you seem like a jerk for waiting so long to say something?
There is a simple rule for the question “will you tell this person”. If the person can do something about it immediately, you tell him. If they can’t, you don’t tell them. As noted in this Washington Post article , this is informally called Miss Manners’ “Your Spinach in Your Teeth” Act. You will tell the person about this, as naughty spinach or chocolate chips can be fought right away.
Equally delicate is how to tell this person. Depending on who the person is, Marali Mackey of Manners Mentor suggests saying :
If it’s a friend or family member, you can say, “I always want to know when I have something stuck in my teeth. Do you agree? “If the answer is yes, say,“ I think you have something. ”Notice that your saying“ I always want to know when… ”lets the person know that this has happened to you before.
If you think this person will not like it , HowStuffWorks cautions against using the word “you” as it can be more judgmental than intended.
Instead, try, “There is something there,” pointing to the teeth. With family and close friends, a common phrase such as “teeth check” tactfully conveys a warning.
In some situations, you may choose to communicate non-verbally, such as catching a person’s eye and pointing at your teeth.
On the other hand, if someone pointed out something in the teeth, then it is better to justify yourself to go to the bathroom and deal with the mess there. I definitely appreciate it when someone tells me about it, even if I’m a little nervous at first. The way I see it, it’s better to be embarrassed for a moment, preferably with someone I know, than to unconsciously have shit in my teeth, smiling at strangers all the time.