Best Time to Poop on a Plane, According to a Flight Attendant
While there is never truly a “good time” to poop in a cramped, cramped metal tube streaking across the sky at 500 miles an hour, in some cases it is more comfortable than in others. Here’s what a professional flyer recommends if you’re concerned about privacy and are considerate of other passengers.
Pooping in public places is not easy for many people. Maybe you’re worried about the smell, or maybe you don’t like the idea of delaying the line. Whatever it is, don’t worry. In Mel Magazine, former flight attendant Erica Roth gives some advice for nervous people who don’t want to try to hold her back on a cross-country flight.
“Timing is everything,” says Roth. As soon as the seat belt sign goes out, run to the toilet. If that’s not an option, next time it’s best right before you start serving drinks. People see carts going down the aisle and don’t want to pass up the opportunity to catch a free mural and some peanuts, so they stay where they are. This gives you a small privacy window if you’re thinking fast.
If the smell bothers you, Roth suggests that you ask for some bags of ground coffee and hang them in the closet before you go about your business. The flight attendants will know what’s going on, but at least you won’t ruin the cabin for everyone else. You can also take a small bottle of air freshener spray with you. Just do not try to cover up the smell with cologne or perfume, as this will only make things worse for everyone else. And don’t indulge if you can. Roth tells you to take exactly as long as you need, otherwise you may get a knock on the door, which will only complicate your life.