The Most Diplomatic Way to Respond to an Offensive Comment at Work
You are in the break room when a colleague suddenly says something that appears to be attacking your essence. Resist the urge to fire back and respond like this.
When someone says something that gets on your nerves, Joan K. Williams , director of the Center for Labor Law at California College Hastings, and Alexander Chopp , director of the Center for Intercultural Research at Western Washington University, strongly urge you to avoid alignment. no charges. Marking something as offensive immediately will cause the other side to be defensive, which will complicate the problem. Instead, Williams and Chopp suggest that you first explain how their comment makes you feel. Amy Gallo of Harvard Business Review explains:
You can say, “I know it was not your intention, but it made me uncomfortable,” or “I am confused by what you said.” Don’t think of it as getting away from the problem, Chopp says. “It’s a much more effective approach, and is ‘more likely to change their behavior in future situations.’
Once you express your feelings, ask a question. Ask them something like “What did you mean?” to better understand and perhaps start a discussion about what will make you both feel comfortable going forward. They may not have realized they were being abusive, or they may already regret what they said, or at least they may be willing to adjust their behavior in the future. Either way, you can’t go wrong by talking about how something makes you feel and then letting them explain themselves. Make it a discussion, not an argument.
How to respond to an offensive comment at work | Harvard Business Review