Four Tips From Pediatricians to Teach Children Kindness
Children are listening. During the elections, messages of hatred, fear and intolerance were disseminated through various media and communities. And the messages continue. While parents are viewing and listening to these ubiquitous messages, their children are next to them, hearing the same messages through a lens ill-equipped to recognize the consequences of negative stereotypes and misrepresentation.
This post was originally published in The Conversation .
During the elections, children heard things like Mexican immigrants “rapists” and “bringing drugs … bringing crime ”, and African Americans “thugs” and “living in hell ”.
These messages, regardless of their voice, were designed and intended for adults. However, as pediatricians, we are now seeing children listening and responding in ways we might not have expected.
As parents, guardians and citizens, we have the power to turn the tide. In celebration of Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday, it is time to explore ways to teach children how to communicate with love and respect.
Stop hate and offer love
One of the responses to messages children hear is hate speech. In April 2016, a widely cited survey of 2,000 teachers conducted by the South Poverty Alleviation Center’s Pedagogical Tolerance Program found that more than half of respondents reported an increase in uncivilized discourse in their schools. This, along with other survey results, has been used to create the Trump Effect, a term for acts of hatred committed by both children and adults.
The changes we see in children’s behavior can occur for the same reason they respond to the violence they see in the media. Previous research has shown that children who have been abused in the media have higher levels of aggressive behavior, hostility, and that they are more insensitive to violence, including less likely to interfere with an ongoing fight and less sympathy for victims of violence. By itself , media violence can instill fear in young viewers that can last for years.
The hate and intolerance advertised in the media is no different. By their very nature, as they develop, children accept what they hear as the truth, adapting it to their own lives and, in many cases across the country, acting accordingly.
Another answer could be love. Recently, a Seattle mom started a Facebook group encouraging children to write letters to the president-elect explaining the importance of kindness. To date, we have been joined by 10,000 children from all over the country who have written how kindness should guide future administration. To quote one sixth grade student: “Please show kindness to people, regardless of their race, religion, belief, or, most importantly, who they are as individuals.”
This dichotomy of responses raises questions: Why are children uniquely positioned to respond vigorously to messages of hate, and how do parents encourage their children to respond with love rather than hate?
Development stages: lens for media messages
The actions of children can be highly dependent on their stage of development. Older teens tend to have a better understanding of the meaning and significance of strong emotions conveyed in the media, but younger children often fail to decipher them.
Emotions like hate, fear, and intolerance are complex. Young children are not equipped to understand the context and ramifications associated with these complex emotions, especially when viewed in an abstract form such as media. In addition, we know that small children in the process of development are not able to distinguish between paralanguages and complex emotional shades of speech. Without these grounds, it is almost impossible to understand when messages are rooted in sarcasm or based on false assumptions.
Older children may be more critical of what they hear, but find it difficult to decide what to believe. Children who identify as part of a minority group based on their race or ethnicity, birth status, sexual orientation or ability status can also internalize messages, which can lead to increased stress. This distress can be associated with behaviors such as detachment, anger, anxiety, and behavior problems .
Parents fear losing control
In 2015, more than 65 percent of Americans owned smartphones, and more than 95 percent of homes had a television . In 2016, the American Academy of Pediatrics, with more than 66,000 pediatricians, revised its policy statement to encourage children 18 months and older to use these types of media in a structured way to facilitate learning.
However, many families do not know how to select useful content by filtering out harmful content, such as stories that highlight hate and intolerance. Research published in the November issue of the Annals of Family Medicine found that caregivers feel they have less and less control over the content their children view in today’s fast-paced technology era.
This effect was increasingly observed in families with lower socioeconomic status and lower income. These caregivers wanted their children to experience the benefits of technology, but were concerned about how to set limits and make the right choices for their children.
As parents, we know that it is difficult to completely protect our children from the media, so how can we drown out the noise of hatred and nudge our children into actions based on love and respect?
Our way forward
The biggest change you can make is in your own home.
Here are four ways to shape the messages our children hear by providing context and skills beyond their developmental stages to filter and respond to media hate and intolerance.
- Use your resources: There are many online tools, which may apply to parents, including ” Tolerance Education » KidsHealth.org and tools Southern Law Center to fight poverty , “Education of tolerance” . Both of these sites include relevant developmental stories and games to discuss racial and cultural differences with your child.
- Talk to your child about how to respond with kindness: even harsh statements can be perceived by others as hate. Creating a culture of kindness in the home can have a ripple effect. Remember, tolerance does not mean tolerance for hate. This means that everyone deserves respect and must respect others. For example, if your child hears someone say something intolerant, encourage them to speak out against it. However, instead of saying, “I think people using racist and sexist language are stupid,” encourage them to show kindness: “I think it’s cool when we treat everyone with respect.”
- Set a compelling example and explain this to your child: While the kids are catching on to what we are doing, it’s even better to tell them what you are doing. Become active in your community, volunteer locally, nationally or globally. Take your child with you and involve them. Even easier, show them how you react to intolerant actions and explain to them why.
- Teach your children to feel good about themselves and love their culture: We know that children who struggle with self-esteem can react by bullying others. Conversely, children with higher self-esteem can support those around them. Emphasize your child’s own strengths and encourage them to explore their interests. Tell them about their own cultural background and instill a sense of cultural pride in your family. Awareness of the language we use and an intentional attitude towards our attitude are skills that a child carries with him outside the home.
And remember, kids listen. While we may not be able to change the messages in the media, we can change the way our children react to them, and that change starts with you.
In Honor of Dr. King, Pediatricians Offer Four Tips for Teaching Kindness to Children | Talk