How to Accept Parents Without Losing Your Mind
For some of us, when a family announces their arrival in the city, the alarm goes off, panic sets in, and a couple of glasses of whiskey are poured. But after a little preparation, it doesn’t have to be that stressful or complicated.
Of course, everyone has a different relationship with their parents. The situation changes depending on how many times you take them. Perhaps you are close to your parents and are not embarrassed that they just come to your house for the weekend. I’m not like that. I need a little more attention. My parents divorced a long time ago, so I had the pleasure of spending at least twice a year in different life circumstances and in a couple of different cities. My main takeaway? I need a series of plans.
Discuss your space and sleep configuration before they arrive
If your parents are visiting from another city for the first time, it is best to start by talking about space. Do you have enough space? Will you give up the bedroom and sleep on the couch? Arrange a guest room? Or is your apartment so small that they just better rent a hotel?
This may sound a little silly, but it can make your visit better or ruin it altogether. When one of my parents first came to visit me, when I was living in Seattle, I lived in an apartment that was too tiny to squeeze any additional people into it at any time, so I had to talk about it beforehand. hotels. Most parents are reluctant to hear about this and will probably argue that as a whole family you can “make this work”. Don’t give in to it. If you have a small apartment and are uncomfortable receiving guests (or you know your guest will also be uncomfortable), insist on a hotel. Split the cost if needed, or suggest whatever financial solution you can, but I promise the whole stay will be much smoother if everyone gets their own place.
Of course, this may not be a problem for your family, or you may have a place where other options exist. Tossing your own room and sitting on the couch is always a noble option, and if you have a spare room, that’s not a problem. Regardless of how you do it, if this is their first visit, just make sure everyone is on the same page so that when they arrive, no one is confused about who is staying where.
Make a rough plan of what you will do, but do not fill the day.
The worst way to spend your morning is to sit on the couch and ask everyone what they want to do, and then give everyone a strong answer, “It’s okay.” Nobody is happy with “anything”, no matter how relaxed they are. Instead of wasting time, I think it’s better to have a rough outline of the plan, but avoid any rigid schedules.
What you do with your family in your city is completely up to you, but I have found that it is best to combine tourism and neighborhood activities. For example, both of my parents live in the landlocked state of Colorado, so visiting the west coast takes time at the beach. This will be taken care of one day. Another day might include a short hike in the nearby mountains. Another is about walking around my area and grabbing a beer at a local brewery. If you are short on ideas, talk to your parents ahead of time to find out which attractions are of interest to them, and formulate a plan based on that. The last time my dad came, he mentioned that he would like to see Hollywood without actually doing all of Hollywood, so I made sure we drove through at some point, but there was no timetable for that.
If you’re not sure exactly what to do, finding something is as easy as viewing your city as a tourist destination. Do a little research, find unusual museums, beautiful views, or national landmarks – or whatever you do if planning your vacation in a new city. Take the time to try something new, rather than just go to the foods you know your parents will love. Head to the new museum you’ve been about to visit, or visit a landmark you’ve talked about for years. Then, notice what everyone likes to do, write down what your parents said they would like to do next, and as you progress the visits will get easier and easier.
A rough timetable allows you to be flexible, but avoids the trap of trying to reach a collective agreement on what the hell to do each morning. Trust me, you want to avoid this at all costs.
List possible restaurants, prepare suggestions
Food is one of the most important things you do all day long, and depending on your parents, it’s a potential disaster. My decision? Make a list of possible restaurants in advance that will suit a wide variety of tastes.
While I cannot speak on behalf of all parents, my experience essentially revolves around the question, “What are you hungry for?” followed by typical, unhelpful responses such as “Italian, Mexican, or Thai.”
To solve this problem, I compiled a list of different types of restaurants in each area that we will be in, so it was easy to turn this versatile type of food into a destination. If your parents are anything like mine, they don’t care about any particular restaurant details, but they don’t want to go online. They just want it to be quiet, clean and have recognizable items on the menu.
I maintain a constant list of restaurants in different parts of Los Angeles that I know are good, or I hear good. It sounds so simple, but it really helped a lot. If you’re using Yelp, bookmarks are a great way to do this because they make it easier to find by location, but the list in your note app of choice works well. If you are
Downtime is ok
Over the years, I realized that both of my parents are terribly unable to take leave for themselves, so visiting me usually becomes their vacation. Because of this, I’ve found that while making a plan for the day is generally a good thing, it’s just as important to leave plenty of room for idleness.
For example, the last time my mother visited me, she got up before sunrise and read quietly all this time. I get up early, but not so early, so I wished she was just sitting around until I realized that it was a luxury that she wasn’t always. It was her cool vacation time.
Your experience in this particular department will be different, but over the years I’ve realized that while both of my parents love doing things in the new city, they are also just enjoying their vacation for a change, doing nothing or just hanging out with you.
Los Angeles in particular is a big, bustling, crowded city, so it’s a bit chaotic to visit, especially given that both of my parents live in the countryside. Subsequently, sometimes we all just need to take a nap in the middle of the day or some quiet time in the morning. This is a good thing.