Solve Chronic Problems With Others by Surprising Them With Some Handy Remedies
When you have a problem with someone that won’t go away, you need to mix things up. If you stop sounding like an angry broken record and try to improvise a completely different response, you may surprise the other person by making them react differently and give yourself back control.
Trying to fix the problem the same way over and over again is a waste of time and makes you feel powerless. Sometimes a problem just requires a new approach, even if it is a little non-standard. When it comes to the people in your life who annoy you regularly, Harvard Business Review’s Michael Lipson suggests that a little improvisation can help you make a difference and solve your problems with someone from a whole new perspective:
… you regain control of yourself. You become less like a train on rails and more like a jeep on an open field. It’s fun too: what you come up with at the moment is often light-hearted. It gives you back a sense of humanity and freedom along with a sense of humor. The second purpose of improvisation is to free the other person. When you stop playing your familiar role, you are implicitly inviting them to stop playing theirs. You cannot directly control the other person, but you can change the environment around them – in this case, your own reaction. This increases the likelihood that the other person will respond differently.
For example, suppose you have a roommate who is eating your food in the refrigerator. The next time they do it, instead of getting angry and sounding like a hard-wired record, blow it up and try something different. After asking them if they ate your food, tell them that they are good roommates, that you appreciate their help in keeping the apartment clean, and give them a five. They will be surprised. You have broken the typical discussion on this issue and they can finally understand that you respect them and that they should respect you more if you do not eat your food. At least you’ve tried a different approach to feel like you’re in control again. This increase in confidence can lead to thinking about more effective ways to solve the problem in the future. The entire article is worth reading, so check it out at the link below.
To solve a chronic problem, try to solve it | Harvard Business Review