Investigate Denial Like a Detective so You Don’t Hit Yourself
We can be pretty hard on ourselves when we’re wrong or rejected. We call ourselves names, criticize, shame ourselves. Psychologist Guy Vinch has a better idea: play detective by investigating the situation.
On TED Radio Hour, Winch says we tend to tell ourselves some pretty nasty things when we fail. In fact, we often say to ourselves things that we wouldn’t say to a friend in the same situation. Being too strict with yourself can undermine your self-esteem , and this will not help you improve anything. At the same time, you don’t want to just ignore rejection or mistake if it’s a chance for improvement.
Here’s what Winch suggests instead:
I recommend people become a detective. The detectives are impartial, or at least they should be. They are simply looking for evidence and facts to draw conclusions. This is the approach you need to look at your mistakes. Treat this impartially.
Try it the next time you start berating yourself. Maybe for a while, get away from the situation, and then return to it in order to separate your emotions from it and look at it objectively. Then see what went wrong and how to fix it if you can. The rest of the interview is definitely worth listening to and you can check it out at the link below.
Can a bad state of health be bandaged with a plaster? | TED Radio Hour