How to Cope With the Holidays Alone
It seems like the holidays in a special way make you feel like shit when you’re alone. Maybe you are experiencing a recent breakup. Maybe you just started college and can’t afford to fly home. Whatever the scenario, if you’re on vacation alone and it upsets you, here’s how to deal with it.
Focus on the present
When you’re alone, it’s hard not to dwell on the past. If you’re homesick or thinking about old traditions with your ex, you mostly miss that sense of security and closeness. After a while, nostalgia can really take you down. Alex Hedger, Cognitive Behavioral Therapist and Clinical Director of the Dynamic You Psychological Therapy Clinic , told us:
When we are alone, we usually have more time to get lost in thought. This can cause problems if we think about something or think without getting anything useful as a result. If you find yourself doing this, see if you can bring your attention back to the present instead of focusing on thinking about the past or worrying about the future.
Holidays should be happy times, so focus on what you can do to be happy right now. In short: indulge yourself a little. If you can afford it, it could mean a trip , even if it’s just a short weekend getaway to a nearby town. Exploring a new place is a great way to take a break from the past and what “should” be. There are a number of tour groups catering to solo travelers , so this can be a fun way to meet new people too.
Or, to pamper yourself, it can be as simple as trying a new recipe or winning a few items on your to-do list. Hedger recommends making a list of “values in life” to help you decide how to fill your free time on holidays:
Life values are what gives our life a unique meaning … Try to think about general ideas about what is important to you in life, under the headings “family and friends”, “hobbies and interests”, “mind and body”, “career”. and education ”and“ life logistics and housework ”. For every value you think about, try to identify the specific thing you can do that matches it.
From there, add this to your holiday calendar.
Don’t create unrealistic expectations
According to commercials and classic Christmas tales, the holidays are supposed to be magical. Magic is a pretty big expectation, and when your reality doesn’t even come close to feeling magic, that expectation can leave you terrified.
Holidays don’t have to be perfect . You don’t have to be happy. It’s okay to be sad during the holidays, so don’t worry about feeling overwhelmed. Learning to adjust your expectations will go a long way in keeping your emotions in check throughout the season. Clinical psychologist Elaine Rodino told PsychCentral :
… There are so many categories of expectations about the right season that it raises all sorts of questions about family, stress and anxiety, eating disorders, sobriety, self-esteem, competence – the list goes on. “There is an idea that it should be perfect, and if it is not, the person asks:“ What is wrong with me? “”. She adds that, according to statistics, the number of “traditional households” in this country is small.
How to get rid of unrealistic expectations? Just block them. Screenwriter and former television executive Jim McCairns says he spent quite a few vacations alone and gave us this advice:
Right before Thanksgiving, I switch from live to streaming to avoid overwhelming myself with holiday programming. I’m not Scrooge and I appreciate the time of year, but too much is bad … This not only lowered the value of the currency behind the holiday, but it presents a really very distorted view of the holiday. season. Specialty TV series and reruns of classic holiday films and commercials depicting and presenting seasonal celebrations that many, if not most, of the country do not experience can be excruciating for those who do it alone. A message for the fragile mind: THIS IS WHY YOU ARE A LOSER.
Simply being aware of these subtle expectations can go a long way. Remember, the “magic” of the holidays is entertainment, but it is also a bunch of hype that has nothing to do with reality. Your vacation can still be enjoyable, even if you don’t need movies.
Distract yourself by helping others
If you’re ready for it, volunteering is a great way to get away from the holiday blues, spend time with other people, and help those less fortunate. For instance:
What’s more, volunteering is also a great way to cheer you up . A German study published by the Institute for the Study of Labor , for example, found that after volunteering, workers reported a decrease in their overall well-being when this opportunity for volunteering disappeared.
Create your own tradition
It can help you take matters into your own hands. If you know other friends, colleagues or acquaintances who are also spending their holidays alone: start your own Friendly Party or any other festive event. Open your own establishment or ask everyone to bring a dish for lunch.
You can also create a solo tradition. For example, I knew a man who took his family to the movies for Christmas every year. I thought it was some unusual way to spend the holidays, but it turns out that he started this tradition when he was single, and he had nowhere else to spend Christmas. When he started his family, it just caught on.
Hedger says planning ahead is key.
If you expect the holidays to be a difficult time, it may be tempting to try to forget about them and “cross this bridge when you come to it”. This strategy often fails as it can leave you unprepared with fewer options. Instead, think of the actual date and time hotspots that you think will be the most difficult. Once you know what they are, plan something you can do to improve this time, perhaps from the advice below …
The point is, during the holidays, you may feel lonely, but many people are in the same boat. Holidays are notorious for evoking these feelings. But keeping expectations realistic and focusing on the reality of the here and now, rather than what “should” be, will go a long way in helping you deal with the situation.