Speak Your Unspoken Rules to Improve Relationships
If you’ve ever been upset with a loved one about something that “should be” obvious, you probably have some unspoken rules of the relationship. If you want the relationship to improve, start talking to them.
As the blog Barking Up the Wrong Tree points out, many of us have a habit of getting upset about broken rules, without even saying what the rules are. Maybe we think it’s obvious that we shouldn’t interrupt people. Or that not splitting the check is rude. However, not all of this is as obvious as you might think. If you don’t voice why you’re upset, your relationship will continue to face the same obstacles:
And I know some of you might be thinking, “But ____ should really be obvious. They should know this. I shouldn’t have said that. “
“Should” is a really problematic word. You say that the universe must obey your will. Try the word “should” with the weather and let me know how it works.
What is obvious to you is not always obvious to others. We can all interpret the same things in different ways. It is much better to be clear about the situation than to assume that your needs are obvious and the other person is inherently evil.
The consequences of saying how you feel and discussing it is usually an awkward conversation or maybe one little fight. The consequences of not saying unspoken rules are an endless series of unexplained quarrels and negative feelings. If you want to avoid these fights, start talking.
How to Make Love Last: 3 Secrets Backed by Research | Bark on the wrong tree