Walking in Someone Else’s Shoes Actually Makes You Less Empathetic.
You must walk a mile in someone’s shoes before you judge him. But, as it turns out, it doesn’t quite help. In fact, we empathize less with people who have gone through the same problems as us.
In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , researchers conducted a series of experiments in which they measured how compassionate people are towards other people who have gone through similar struggles but made the wrong decisions. For example, in one experiment, subjects were told a story about a teenager who was being bullied. In one scenario, a teenager coped well. On another occasion, the teenager responded violently. In the latter scenario, the researchers found that the participants who were bullied were the least compassionate towards the child who did not do well. In short, the researchers came to the same basic conclusion in all experiments:
We found that people who have experienced difficulties in the past (such as a divorce or a pass for a promotion) were less likely to show compassion for someone facing the same struggles than people who did not. situation … Taken together, these results suggest that people who have experienced difficult experiences are more likely to punish those who struggle to cope with such a challenge.
They say this happens for two reasons. First, there is the so-called “empathy gap”. Basically, this means that we tend to forget how difficult something was. We remember that our breakup was painful, but we still underestimate how excruciating it was at the time. So it’s easy to say, “I was there and it wasn’t that bad. I went through this; they should also be able to. “
Second, successfully overcoming an experience downplays how difficult the experience can be. Since we cannot remember it with the same intensity, we are sure that it was at least easy enough to get over it. This, combined with a lack of empathy, makes us less empathetic.
In an article for the Harvard Business Review, researchers explain the main points of all of this:
This means that many people may instinctively seek empathy from the very people who are less likely to show it. This clearly matters for peer-to-peer office communication (choose the person you pour out carefully). And mentoring programs that often bring together people with the same education or experience may need to be revised. But there are also important lessons for leaders. When approached by employees in distress, managers may believe that their own emotional response to the problem should determine their response.
To learn more about the study, follow the links below.
Being There Doesn’t Mean I Care | Psycnet via HBR