Be Honest With People by Thinking of the Truth As a Chance to Improve Communication
It’s not always easy to be honest with people. We are all guilty of telling lies or pretending that we are okay with something that secretly drives us crazy. If you find it difficult to be brutally honest with someone, think of it as a chance to improve your relationship with that person.
This is what I struggle with because I hate confrontation. I’d rather avoid the situation altogether than solve it. Of course, some things are worth ignoring, but in most cases, honesty is the most appropriate solution .
And instead of thinking of it as confrontation, you can think of honesty as a chance for openness. In Brain Pickings, writer Maria Popova explores this idea in an excerpt from a 1995 interview with Alice Walker:
When I was three or four years old, I broke a can, and given that I had brothers and sisters, I could tell they broke it, or I could tell that it slipped off. I remember that [my father] asked me if I had done this, and I looked at him and thought: well, well, this is the person I really love, and he would be happy if I didn’t break him. On the other hand, he looked at me with such expectation that I found myself meeting his expectations with a real need to express the truth, because this is the most wonderful feeling. I said, “Yes, I broke the can.” His response was not to fuss and spank me or something, but rather to direct this incredible love towards me, and it was his way of teaching me to tell the truth and what is possible. It is possible that if you tell the truth, you will not only get out of the prison of lies yourself, but the person who hears the truth will also open up and be delighted.
Walker compares truth to creativity , and when you think about it, her message makes sense. Strong friendships involve being open, and it’s easier to be open when someone is telling you honestly. You create a chance for communication.
Of course, things don’t always work out so neatly. In Walker’s example, the parent can get upset and blow up the pad. Your friend may become defensive and stop talking to you altogether when you run into him because of something that bothers you.
But the general idea here is that when you tell the truth, you are more likely to build a meaningful relationship with that person. If you are afraid of confrontation, think about honesty from this point of view. Check out the full post to find out more.
Alice Walker on what her father taught her to lie and the ability to speak the truth that expands love | Gathering brains