I Ate a Bunch of Vegan Cheese and It Turned Out to Be Quite Tasty
I’m not vegan in any way, but living in Portland, Oregon made me a bit “vegan curious.” There are trendy vegan restaurants, vegan tasting menus and homemade vegan dishes, with cheese being the most popular.
I’m so intrigued by this fake cheese. I have no reason to be particularly interested, I’m just very curious about how the other half lives. (The “other half” in this case are vegans and people with lactose intolerance, not rich people.) Are these people really getting their trashy meal? Or are they just putting on a brave face and deceiving the whole world to themselves?
Spoiler alert: Vegan cheese is delicious. But before you rush to comment, let me say that nothing will ever replace cheese for me. Cashews may have a creamy “milky-like” consistency, but chickens are “duck-like” and we do not serve medium-rare chicken breasts. That being said, these artificial cheese products are pretty good on their own. So, to spread the word, I ate a whole bunch for you . (I know you didn’t ask me to do this, but love means never asking anyone to eat fake cheese.) These are my favorites.
Kite Hill Cream Cheese Spread (Plain or Garlic)
What It Is: This creamy, slightly savory paste takes on the bulk and flavor of fermented almond milk. I used to assume that all fake cheese is made from tofu and lies, so I was happy to find that Cheeze of Today is mostly made from cultured nuts. (The nuts are great!)
The taste is bland (unless you get a garlic-flavored garlic) and has a subtle sweetness that you only really notice if you eat it straight from the bath, which is not a terrible idea. It has a fluffy, cloudy texture that’s not chalky at all, and frankly much better than some of the low-fat cream cheeses. (Full fat or death.) It also spreads great straight out of the fridge and goes great and smooth with your morning bagel.
How to use : Spread it on bagels, bagel chips, or pretzels with a “All the Way For Bagels” flavor. You can also add it to chili peppers or puree like sour cream.
Heidi Ho Creamy Chia Cheese
What It Is: This dairy-free dish is made with chia seeds, nuts, and vegetables, but it’s the vegetables that really shine. Potatoes and bell peppers before this sauce / spread, with a touch of lemon adding brightness and acidity. It’s also really well emulsified; I expected this kind of product to delaminate if left to itself, but this cocky cheese impostor holds it together.
It’s nothing special when cold, but when heated it becomes a savory creamy sauce that tastes like a healthy version of nacho sauce in a movie theater. This may sound like the worst of worlds, but it’s actually adorable.
How to use it: It works great as a crisp sauce (for both tortilla and potatoes), but it can also make a good pasta sauce or vegetable filling (meta).
Vtopian Aged White Cultured Cheddar Cheese with Cashews
What It Is: Well, it certainly is n’t aged white cheddar (the texture isn’t right and it just doesn’t taste like this), but it’s my new favorite. It has a salty, nutty, fermented flavor that is very similar to the melted cheese spreads I tend to at parties. The garlic and onion stand out and I love it . True time: I ate three quarters of a block in one evening. (She’s not the prettiest dancing girl, but the taste is top notch.)
How to use: Spread on crackers, bread, even fruit. Place it on a party plate alongside “real” cheese spreads. Then invite me to the party.
Vegan Chao Slices by Field Roast
What it is: Better than Daiya, that’s for sure. Several dairy-free friends have told me that Daya is king when it comes to fried sandwiches without cheese, but I’m here to tell you that a usurper has come to the throne and his name is Chao. I did a side-by-side comparison of sandwiches using each brand, and while both melted beautifully, the Daiya brand slices had a taste that just felt overwhelmed. They tasted good, but the super-synthetic, almost “butter popcorn” flavor got tired after a while. (This could be pea protein.)
On the other hand, Chao slices (which are made with coconut and fermented tofu) were tender, creamy, and precise mating for off-brand American cheese slices. If you hate the great processed American cheese counterfeit, you will hate it too, but I love American cheese and therefore I love vegan chao slices.
How to use: Grill cheese-free sandwiches. Do not, under any circumstances, eat these cold ones. They are terribly cold.
Nutritional yeast
What it is: Nutritional yeast is a tasty little number with a truly non-sexual name. Better than a Parmesan shaker in my opinion. (Though certainly no better than fresh Parmesan.) These umami-added yellow flakes have a great savory flavor and add a nutty richness to almost every food they touch. I’ve stored it in a closet for years, and I’ve never been vegan (well, roughly two weeks in college, but who hasn’t?).
How to use it: You can sprinkle it on popcorn, vegetables, rice, any savory food, or you can be a scavenger like me and eat it with your fingers from a plate .
Well, I hope we all learned a lot. I learned that Mr. Peanuts are not the only cultivated nut worthy of my time, and that the fake vegan cheese of lies can actually be quite tasty. I won’t be giving up my Dubliner anytime soon, but this fucking nonsense will always have a place in my fridge.