How to Make Your Sexual Fantasies a Reality
You have read our tutorial on how to share your fantasies with someone new , now you are ready to bring those fantasies to life. Here’s what you need to know to make your fantasies come true.
Make sure your partner understands exactly what you want
If you were the least bit nervous about sharing your fantasies with your partner, you may have missed out on some of the details of what you were looking for. As we mentioned last time , some of the fantasies are simple and straightforward (“I would like to have sex with the lights on”), while others are more complex (“I want to pretend we never met, meet at a hotel. A bar, and have myself “overnight stay” in the room upstairs “). Tell your partner, “Do you know how we talked about this fantasy of mine? Here’s what I thought we could do, ”and then fill them in with any information that matters to them. If needed, you can even send them articles or books to help them prepare.
Some people worry that sharing specific details of their fantasies is a thrill, but it could be the other way around. Discussing what you want to do with each other before you do can be overwhelmingly erotic. Any planning you need to do ahead of time (gathering materials, locating, etc.) creates anticipation. You may even find this part of the process more enjoyable than the event itself.
There is also a lot to be said for taking responsibility for your desires. If this is your fantasy, you are responsible for all the work behind it. This happens quite often when fantasy implies a desire to dominate. It is unfair to tell your partner, “I want you to make me your sex slave,” and then not give any further direction.
You can ask your partner, “Do you have any ideas what you would like to do, or would you like me to tell you what I want?” but make sure it’s clear to you that you are taking the lead. This dynamic can also show up if you are still a little shy about your fantasy. If so, take the time to remind yourself that fantasies are perfectly healthy and that you have nothing to be ashamed of!
Start with small steps and get enthusiastic acceptance
If your fantasy is detailed, or you or your partner is in some hesitation, try breaking your fantasy into more manageable steps. For example, if you like dominance, start with handcuffs and a blindfold before moving on to Japanese rope and ball. If you’re looking to have threesome sex, watch threesome porn or find someone to flirt with via email. One of the easiest ways to do this is to simply talk about your fantasies when you are intimate with each other (“Can you imagine what it would be like if other people were looking at us right now?”). Again, waiting is half the fun, so there’s no need to rush to anything!
Also remember that there is a big difference between agreeing in a general sense to act out someone’s fantasy and agreeing to take a specific action in the moment. You may be thrilled that your partner is willing to participate in your fantasies with you, but take your time! Be sure to ask your partner, “Did you try this fantasy well tonight?”
Don’t expect perfection the first time
When fantasies first arise in our heads, they usually unfold beautifully. Nobody fantasizes about things that seem a little awkward or awkward (unless you are into those things). But in the real world, acting out fantasies is more difficult. Someone will lose an erection, lose their temper, or get stuck in handcuffs. Just as it takes time for us to become “good” at sex, it can take time and practice to learn to play with our fantasies. Every time you try, you are likely to learn something new about fulfilling your fantasies. You will learn how to be more nimble with your sex toys. You will understand the nuances of a good spanking. You might even find that your favorite part is to discuss and plan. Try to be patient and show a sense of humor if something goes wrong. You will figure it out over time and be so happy you did it!
Swap your fantasies one by one
Of course, you should be as generous with your partner’s fantasies as you are with yours. Be sure to ask them what their desires are, and give their fantasies as much space and effort as you put into yours. If you’ve got a ton of fantasies in between, save them to a shared Google Docs spreadsheet and keep working on them one at a time. Or you can write them down on pieces of paper or use an online random number generator to pick the order for you!