Focus on Good Times Instead of Problem-Solving to Improve Relationships
If you want to improve your relationship, the best way is to find problems and fix them, right? In fact, maybe not. If you really want to improve the relationship you have developed with a partner or friend, the best way is to have a new or better positive experience.
As the Life Tips Blog Barking Up the Wrong Tree points out, long-term relationships often have problems that cannot be resolved with a single discussion. If they were, they would already be done away with. Problems that couples (or anyone else in a relationship) struggle with tend to be related to either deeply ingrained habits or core beliefs. Trying to fix each other can often tear you apart rather than bring you closer. However, positive experiences with each other can improve this bond.
We spend a lot of time trying to fix something in our relationship. It turns out that everything is the other way around here. If they’re not critical, don’t focus on reducing the negatives. Couples thrive when they amplify positives. … 69% of a couple’s problems are permanent . These problems are not going anywhere, but many couples argue about them year after year.
Of course, this does not mean that all problems should be ignored. If you have an abusive spouse, a partner who ruins your financial life, or your relationship is generally unstable, by all means fix those issues or leave . However, if your relationship is simply stagnant or generally unsatisfactory, finding the problem to “fix” may not be as rewarding as finding something positive to bond over.
5 Quick Ways to Strong Bonding with a Romantic Partner | Bark on the wrong tree