Three Keys to Feedback From Overly Defensive People
When you know someone can actually defend themselves, it turns any constructive criticism into a fight that you probably would rather avoid. If something needs to be said, it all depends on the clarity of your message and how you convey it.
Defensive people make any conversation that doesn’t go their way an ordeal, but Harvard Business Review’s Holly Weeks recommends focusing on three specific attributes when it’s time for them to face music. You should use:
- Clear content : Choose the right language and pretend that you are the TV presenter, conveying the most important information to them clearly.
- Neutral tone : Take emotion out of the equation. Consider how neutral NASA’s classic Houston, We Have a Problem sounds.
- Moderate wording : Don’t use any words or phrases that might provoke them to anger or fire you.
As Weeks explains, these three keys need to be complex. If you are clear about your message but let your emotions get the best of you, they can become angry and even more defensive. Or, if you have a clear message and you deliver it in a neutral tone, but you jerk them with your wording; they can just confuse you. It’s hard to give feedback without sounding like a jerk , especially to the defenders, but it’s possible with the right approach. The entire article is worth reading, so check it out at the link below.
How to give feedback to someone who becomes insanely defensive | Harvard Business Review