Nonsense I Caught on Myself After Moving to a New City
Moving to a new city can be a mess of your life, and all you need to do is replace your daily routine. After my last move, I found myself falling into some traps that prevented me from really getting used to.
I tried to replace the places (and people) I left behind
It’s hard to leave your friends, favorite restaurants, hiking and everything else. But if you really want to punish yourself, you’ll spend the first couple of months in a new city trying to find replacements for each of these things. If you haven’t moved to the city of doppelgangers, this won’t work – everything will disappoint you.
I discovered this the hard way after a few big moves . I found myself mourning everything that I missed. I was looking for a nearby bar to replace my old one, bike paths that seemed like my old home, and even specific friends to replace the remaining ones. I was closed to new places because they were not similar enough to my old acquaintances. I caught myself thinking about things like, “This bar isn’t so dirty and small, and they don’t play metal all the time,” or “He’s cute, but not as cool as So-and-so.” Obviously, this is stupid. You shouldn’t try to remake the past.
So, I tried to broaden my horizons a little and enjoy new experiences as they are. I try new places and connect with new friends without trying to compare them to old ones. My adjoining bar doesn’t have to be a replica of my old favorite. My new friends don’t need to fill the same roles as my out-of-state friends. It’s hard to convince myself of this, but I’ve found that when I do it, I have a lot more fun.
I started the routine too early
Routine is a blessing and a curse . It makes your life easier because you don’t have to think too much about what you are doing, but it also means you are missing out on new experiences. Having lived only a few weeks in Los Angeles, I desperately needed a routine. I went to the same grocery store, to the same restaurants, and did the same leisure time over and over. This completely contradicts the purpose of moving to a new place – I never really took the time to really explore.
I am a person of habit and therefore rely heavily on routine. Once I found a few places in my area that I liked, I just kept coming back, hesitating further. The other day I was trying to decide where to meet a friend for dinner and realized that I had only visited a few restaurants in my area, for the simple reason that it was always an easy choice. This is not even considering what places I have not been outside the area. I made the active choice to try new places and my friend and I met at a great little pizzeria that I wouldn’t even think of.
It’s easy to go back to normal, even if it’s a restaurant you’ve only been to twice. I love new experiences, new restaurants, new shops and everything else, but I forget it so easily. When I know how long something will take or what kind of experience I will have, I feel like it makes my life easier, but it just makes it boring.
I judged people too quickly
When we meet new people, we usually judge them immediately. That’s okay, but I found myself making negative judgments too early. As an adult , making friends is hard enough , but I somehow found a way to make it even more difficult.
It’s not that I thought, “I don’t like this person,” but rather that “I don’t see myself with them.” In other words, I avoided any stimulating conversation because I immediately assume that we will never be best friends. It’s definitely worth a lot here. It’s an equally preconceived notion of the people living in Los Angeles, my own cynicism, and it’s basic human nature to defend my time. But it makes life pretty lonely.
This is partly due to the problem I mentioned earlier: trying to replace old friends. If only I could meet someone with similar hobbies with someone else, they could become the same friends again. When I inevitably realize that they are not like that, I get frustrated. I have met many people in my life, and it is almost impossible not to immediately compare them with others or not cling to a stereotype.
I tried to fix this. I will give people more blank slate when I first meet them. I will ask questions out of sincere interest, not to find any specific, imaginary points of contact that I think will make us friends. That way, I can just chat and have fun instead of having the occasional “friendship” motive. When I think about it, I and most of my closest friends don’t have a ton in common, but we get along great. It takes time to build true friendships and routines — the more you rush, the more you’ll have nothing left, and you’ll wonder why you’re unhappy.