Be More Interested in Conversations While Playing Detective
When you are talking to someone, the more interested you can be in what they have to say, the better. Sometimes it can be difficult to generate interest. If you need a little motivation, turn this into a detective game.
As author Mark Goulston notes, many of us treat conversations as an exchange of views, where everyone gets the opportunity to say something that the other person is not interested in. It’s just a waste of time. This focus on what to say when it’s our turn to speak can often turn those conversations into an echo chamber. Instead, try to learn as much as possible about the other person:
How do you learn to be interested and sincere when you do this? The first key is to stop thinking of the conversation as a tennis match. (He scored a point. Now I need to score a point.) Instead, think of it as a detective game in which your goal is to learn as much as possible about the other person. Start a conversation knowing that there is something very interesting about this person, and be determined to open it up.
Of course, you probably shouldn’t throw all of Sherlock Holmes at them, pointing out the dust on their boots and accusing them of cheating on the miner. However, a good detective learns as much as possible without imposing the situation on a specific template. Chances are, the person you are talking to has something interesting in life. Make it a game to find him, and you will have much less effort to seem interested.
How to be loved by everyone: 6 strong secrets | Bark on the wrong tree