How to Have Sex on the Beach
Let’s be honest – for most people, wanting to have sex on the beach is more likely to cross an item off their list of sexual desires than to have a truly enjoyable experience. If you are obsessed with it anyway, we can help.
Beach sex comes with a lot of risks (getting trapped, getting sand in the trash, being attacked by ocean creatures), but not a lot (being able to proudly hold your finger up during the next “Never Was” round). That being said, there are several strategies to get the most out of this experience.
Do your research
Sex on the beach doesn’t usually happen spontaneously. This requires prior reconnaissance. The first thing you need to do is identify potential locations for the business. Look for secluded small coves or large cliffs. If you are on this particular beach during the day, you might want to take a stroll in search of less populated areas than others. You can even use Google Maps to find nooks and crannies you might otherwise miss.
You can also check the high and low tide times to avoid being caught off guard by the advancing ocean. It is also worth looking at the state of sanitation on the beach of your choice. Some beaches are dirty and you shouldn’t risk it. And I know it will make me look like a real party-goer, but you should at least be aware of the potential legal implications of your date on the beach, especially if you’re in another country. Getting a fine for indecent behavior is one thing; being arrested is different.
Come prepared
You will need a couple of things to do this. The most important is a large blanket with which you can protect yourself from the sand and quickly take cover if someone walks by. The larger the blanket, the better. Blankets can be a smarter choice than towels, as towels always let sand through and you are more likely to have a large blanket than a large towel. Another good item is a large sun umbrella that you can use to protect your body from the eyes of passers-by. A chaise longue with a seat a few inches from the sand will give you a few more pose options. If you really want privacy, check out the portable shade design . Then bring a pack of cleaning wipes. If you use condoms, bring a small plastic bag to remove condoms (if you leave used condoms on the beach, you deserve to have your genitals permanently infected with sand fleas).
Choose comfortable clothes in advance. It is best to try not to take off as many clothes as possible in order to quickly escape if you are noticed. Women can wear a beach dress or a flowy skirt. Guys should wear shorts or a bathing suit that allows you to easily take out the trash.
How not to get caught
Okay, you found a secluded spot, you have a bag of condoms, how the hell would you do that to avoid getting caught? The most important piece of advice I can give you is not to be an idiot in this regard. Don’t be these guys . ( “Dancing” and “trying to wake him up” ? Really?) Actually, read this article and then do the exact opposite of what the two did. Don’t do this in the middle of the day. Do not do this if people are around, especially children. Don’t waste your time on a sweet ass. Don’t ignore elderly Lady Clery filming you. Don’t do it twice , you greedy bastards!
Wait at least until dusk. The beach should be deserted. Have fun, but watch out for passers-by. Be quiet and try not to moan loudly. If you see or hear someone in the distance, stop what you are doing and wait to resume until they are gone (the constant aspect of trying not to get caught can be part of the fun!).
If you are paranoid about getting caught but still want sex on the beach, you may want to invest in more privacy. Maybe go on a romantic weekend getaway and rent an AirBnB with a private beach. Or choose a beachfront hotel with a private balcony overlooking the ocean and enjoy the view. If you are near a beach where people tend to camp in tents, another option is to bring your tent with you. You will have a beach sex experience without many risks.
Avoid the sands in your lower regions
Most people over-romanticize beach sex, imagining themselves wrapped in their partner’s arms, rolling on the sand as the waves gently splash at their feet. In fact, having your open genitals somewhere near the sand is a sure way to disaster. Sand can seem like a pretty harmless irritant when it sticks to your feet, but that’s a whole different story when it’s all in your most sensitive parts.
The only successful sex on the beach is in the crotch positions. Perhaps the best sex positions on the beach are doggy style. This works for heterosexual couples, gay couples, and anyone adventurous enough to bring a strap-on to the beach. If you are near large rocks, you can try to bend the receiving partner into a more upright version of the dog. If you are confident in your blanket’s ability to block sand, you may be able to get your partner on top. If you’ve brought a sun lounger with you, the overhead reception works even better, and you can try looking at each other or in the same direction. If your configuration includes two women, it is best to have one woman sit on the other’s face.
Consider alternatives
By now, you might be thinking, “Well, damn it, maybe we’d better do this in the ocean?” Ocean sex has its merits and demerits. On the one hand, you can have more sex in the ocean than on the sand. Again, I do not recommend having sex when there are people around, but the ocean will obscure what is happening below the surface. Plus, being buoyant in water makes standing sex a lot easier (which is great since it’s really the only position you can do).
On the other hand, salt water can dry out natural lubricants, which is why some women may feel pain or discomfort when attempting intercourse. Anal will be prohibited. It is also not recommended to use condoms underwater as the risk of STIs is higher. And you have to be careful not to trip over rocks or get bitten by sea creatures and bacteria that may be in the water. You also won’t have any pushing leverage, so the sex will be pretty low-key.
Keep in mind that having sex on the beach does not necessarily mean having sex on the beach. For my money, oral sex and handwork can be much more fun than intercourse and much easier to accomplish. You can easily help each other in the water. If you have a good poker face, you don’t even need to feel guilty if other people are around (but then again, try to be respectful!). Oral sex can be hidden under a blanket or under an umbrella. If someone sneaks up on you, it’s easy to imagine that you are just hugging your head, resting your head in your partner’s lap.
Just remember kids, watch out for grannies with mobile phones!