How to Have Sex With Injuries and Illnesses
At some point in your life, you or one of your partners will almost inevitably have to deal with serious injury or illness. If this is just a temporary setback, and not a permanent disability, you are very lucky, but any illness can really interfere with all aspects of your life, including sex. Here’s how to make room for intimacy, even when you’re struggling with your health.
Plan ahead if you can
Let’s say you are planning an operation in a few weeks and you know that you will be out of order for at least a month. Try to make sex as a priority as possible beforehand. Go on a romantic weekend getaway. Send the kids with grandparents and enjoy your vacation. Try to spend 20 minutes of quality time alone every day. You’re in luck if you have advance warning, so take advantage of it!
Make Your Doctor Talk About Sex
Unfortunately, most healthcare providers avoid talking openly about sex. You are about to start these conversations with your doctor. You might be embarrassed to ask such personal questions, but this is vital information you need to have. Here are some questions to ask:
- How can this condition / procedure affect my sex life?
- Should I Avoid Sexual Activity?
- How long?
- What activities are there on and off the table?
- How do I know if I’m ready to have sex again?
- Does this medicine have sexual side effects?
- What can we do to reduce the likelihood of sexual side effects?
Of course, adapt the questions to suit your particular situation.
Stay connected with your body and your partner
Health problems can cause you to lose touch with your own body. You may have a build-up removed or a foreign object such as a stent or surgical screw implanted. You may be taking mind-altering pain relievers. You may be in a hospital where a lot of people are poking and pushing you. Do your best to maintain some semblance of relationship with your body. Touch, look at, or talk to your body and remind yourself that it is still yours. Move it in any way you can. Masturbate if you can!
If your partner has health problems, you may need help with some aspects of their daily care. Many of us find it difficult to afford to take care of ourselves, so try to be mindful of the fact that your partner may feel weak, inadequate, or embarrassed. It’s also easy to want to have a baby with a loved one when you see them in pain or discomfort. Try your best to take care of your partner without treating him like a child. Talk to them like adults. Let them make their own decisions and share your limitations as a caretaker. Ask how you can best support them in the healing process.
Expand your definition of sex
What you are sexually capable of may be temporarily prohibited, so you will have to experiment with your sexual repertoire. Take an honest look at your current state and try to understand what you are capable of. For example, if you have mono, you might have to think about ideas that don’t require a lot of effort. If you have broken your leg, you need to find positions that will not put any weight on it. Think about something you haven’t done in a while or have never done before. Get creative! Maybe now this is a chance to really master oral sex or to try mutual masturbation for the first time. Maybe you and your partner can watch porn together or read erotic stories to each other. Expanding your definition of sex can be uplifting and inspiring. Plus, not being able to rely on your old backup actions can breathe new life into your bedroom!
Many people will be upset that they cannot have the same sex as before. This is perfectly understandable! Maybe you need to be bedridden for weeks and you get mad that your asshole doesn’t even see daylight. It’s okay to feel angry or depressed, but don’t let that stop you from trying to maintain some aspect of your sex life. Frustration can be motivating and even sexual. You and your partner may be able to send detailed sex messages about what you are going to do with each other when you recover.
Respect your limits
On the other hand, there are people who try to ignore the fact that their ability level has changed. Trust me, you don’t want to try to get over the pain and you don’t want to re-injure yourself! Respect your body’s healing process, needs and limitations. If all else fails, take comfort in the fact that your situation is temporary and try to make plans for the future. Going to bed is a great opportunity to plan your next romantic adventure.
Talk about it and keep talking about it
If you have health problems, you may feel like nothing else matters. For the most part, this is true, but you can still make room in your life for your sexuality. If your sex life is important to you (or maybe not!), Talk to your partner about the specific dynamics you value. Maybe you find that sex helps you feel calmer or more connected to your partner. Maybe you just enjoy having fun. Having a clear understanding of the benefits of your sex life will help you feel motivated to stay in touch with her.
Even if you follow all these tips, there will definitely be times when you let sex take a back seat. Many people worry that admitting problems will only make them feel worse, but in fact the opposite is true! Both you and your partner know what’s going on, and you are not fooling anyone by burying your head in the sand or pretending nothing has changed. Just hearing you say, “I really miss our old sex life,” will make your partner feel much more connected to you. Continue to acknowledge that things are not going the way you would like them to and talk about how you can prioritize intimacy.
Have a sense of humor
I know this advice will seem overwhelming in many situations, but laughter is really the best medicine. This is a silly saying, but it can also be appropriate. If you can approach your situation with the slightest humor, you will feel much better. Maybe only with your hands? Become a pro at capturing well-lit cocks. Connected to multiple machines? Laugh with your partner at your clumsy attempts to get around all those ropes. Or try playing a really dumb game with a naughty nurse and patient. Sometimes all you can do is laugh at the absurdity of the situation that life has driven you into.