How to Create the Best Online Dating Profile
The hardest part of online dating (besides, you know, meeting new people) is making a profile, but it’s one of the most important tasks. This awkward personal resume is the first thing people see, and it can mean the difference between a date and an unanswered message. Here’s how to create a profile that helps you stand out without feeling embarrassed.
First, make yourself comfortable with yourself.
Not all dating sites are the same . No matter what service you use (or whether you meet people on the Internet), you still strive towards the same goal: to meet someone you find attractive. When creating your own profile, remember that there is a real person behind their profile. They also want to meet someone they like. This means that the best thing you can do for yourself is to be someone worth dating. Show it then.
This is the part that confuses a lot of people because when you enter a dating site you feel vulnerable. It’s a little unnatural to list all the positive aspects of yourself, and if you have any insecurities (which everyone has), it’s easy to display them on your profile. However, the nature of dating suggests that you can offer something of value to a potential partner. You think someone has a good reason to date you, right? Well, highlight it!
This doesn’t mean bragging about how cool you are, or condescending to people who don’t recognize your obvious greatness. This means combing your hair or putting on a nice shirt before taking the picture. This means filling your profile with things that make you unique and interesting, rather than listing “requirements” you have for a partner. This means putting in some effort. Think of it as going out for an interview: you want to show your best. Don’t lie, but don’t lie either.
How to write a better self-description
Describing yourself is difficult, and when you introduce yourself to potential dates, you are likely to feel particularly vulnerable. Uncertainty can begin to surface and it can be tempting to get discouraged. However, now is your time to shine. Your profile is completely dedicated to you, which means that you can talk about what you like, what you love and what you want. The more your profile highlights what’s good about you, the better. You don’t have to brag, but if you find it difficult to express yourself confidently (for example, in a job interview), this is ideal practice.
It’s perfectly normal to suffer from “What have I put here?” problem. Empty boxes make everyone nervous. If you’re unsure of what to talk about, here are a few key points to highlight:
- Your personality: are you artistic or analytical? Do you like outdoor activities or prefer indoor activities? Be sure to hint what kind of person you are. You don’t have to list the attributes (in fact, showing is better than telling), but add some personality traits to your profile that will give visitors an idea of what they are working with.
- Your hobbies: Your unique hobbies or interests can grab a visitor’s attention. Everyone loves curled up on the couch to watch Netflix. Not everyone has an extensive collection of homemade foam suit swords, and not everyone has smart robot arms in their spare time. Even if you have typical hobbies, describe what you like about them.
- Your career or ambition: Ambition can be an attractive trait, no matter who you are. While bragging about how much money you make can be rude, talking about what you are doing with your life is okay. Are you an aspiring writer in the middle of your first novel? Mention it! Even if you’re an accountant looking to settle down and buy a home, showing your life path will help attract the people who are associated with you.
- What are you looking for in a partner: This shouldn’t make up the bulk of your profile (which we’ll talk about a little later), but if you have specific requirements, they can be mentioned. Do you have kids from a previous relationship and need someone to enjoy it? He said so. Do you want a romantic relationship but don’t have sex? Bring it on! You probably shouldn’t be describing your dream partner (everyone wants someone funny, attractive, and living together, that’s nothing new), but feel free to mention the non-negotiable.
None of these areas are required, but should help you get started writing. Remember, the important thing here is to do your best. You don’t want to lie on your profile, but you also don’t need to list all of your personal flaws at once. When you write your descriptions, try to keep this in mind. Here are some key tips for making your profile attractive:
- Be positive and avoid unwanted criticism: Complaining is unlikely to set the stage for romantic endeavors. Focus on positive personality traits or hobbies that you enjoy. Avoid overly critical words like “I hate people who start drama” or “If you are not a Nobel laureate, don’t worry.” Dating is hard for everyone, but you can get on your feet while maintaining a positive attitude.
- Maintain a 70/30 ratio between who you are and what you want: people visit your profile to read about you , not what you think they should be. As the Daily Beast notes , researchers have consistently found that the best profiles devote 70% of their writing to things about themselves, no more than 30% of what you want out of life or your partner. Don’t be afraid to be confident about what you want, but also don’t feel like life (or the dating site) owes you anything.
- Don’t humiliate yourself. Ever: A little self-deprecating humor can be funny sometimes, but your profile is not the place to talk about why you shit in life. Unless you’re Louis S.K., you won’t look charmingly cynical – you’ll just sound like you hate yourself. This does not give anyone a reason to waste time and energy meeting with you.
Depending on the service you use, you may need to tailor your answers to specific questions, which can be more helpful than one giant self-assessment field. However, no matter which site you use, the best profile will tell a little about your personality, your hobbies, your work, and what you want out of life. You don’t have to go into details or answer tough questions before they are asked, but give your visitors something intriguing.
How to choose a photo
Your photo is one of the first things people will see when they visit your profile, and in many cases there can be a difference between a closer gaze and the notorious swipe to the left. Fortunately, there are many things you can do to get someone’s attention. However, you don’t need to hire a photographer to take pictures or anything like that, but don’t turn the camera on yourself in the bathroom once and don’t stop there. Here are a few things to consider:
- Create a variety of photos: Most services allow you to upload several different photos of yourself. “Different” does not mean the same picture from three slightly different angles. It also does not mean that the angle on three different days will be at the same angle. Change this slightly. Use one photo of you with your dog and one photo of you walking along your favorite nearby trail (or whatever you like). People are trying to figure out who you are, so give them something to work with.
- Include face and body shots: everyone wants to be judged only by their victorious personality, but most of those same people still want to date someone they find physically attractive. This is how dating works. Include at least one photo showing you below your neck as a common courtesy on the Internet.
- Make sure your main photo is just you: you might really like this photo of you and your best friend, but the people visiting your profile don’t know which of you. You can (and should!) Include pictures of yourself with other people, but not in your main profile picture. This is the first thing everyone will see, so it should only be you.
Of course, these tips are all about basic online etiquette and courtesy. Some rules have exceptions – for example, OkCupid found that profiles without face snapshots can be successful if there is some other interesting hook – but the main goal is to attract someone to your profile. Keep this in mind when taking pictures. If you have an activity that you enjoy or an angle that makes you look good, highlight it.
Explore the features of the site
Online dating has become quite common and there are many sites out there catering to a wide variety of niches and preferences. To be successful, you need to make sure you’re on the site that suits your needs, so check out our guide to choosing the right one for you . Once you find one that you like, be sure to check out all the special features the service has to offer.
Many sites offer additional features such as answering surveys, participating in quizzes, rating other users, or simply adding information to additional fields – and doing these things can put you in front of a large number of users. OkCupid and Zoosk offer a series of questions that will improve the quality of your game. By answering these questions, you will see more (or better) potential matches.
OkCupid also has an activity feed on your home page that shows you what’s new on the site. Any edit to your profile – even as simple as paraphrasing a sentence – can put you in the feed and attract more visitors. Tinder recently added Instagram integration that allows people to see your Instagram feed in addition to your profile – another way to get someone’s attention.
You can also use tools designed to find other people to improve your visibility. For example, Lifehacker Editor-in-Chief Whitson Gordon recommends using OkCupid’s QuickMatch feature . While this is done to show you matches that you would not otherwise see, it also allows you to appear in front of more people. This will put you in front of the people you like in QuickMatch, A-list users will receive direct notifications that interest you, and OkCupid’s algorithms tend to put prolific users in more search results. Zoosk has a similar feature called Carousel that lets you quickly tell if you’re interested in a match. Again, the more you use this, the more Zoosk will show your profile to other people.
Each site is different, but most have a variety of tools you can use to improve your profile and get more matches. The more you use the site, the more likely they are to show you to newer people or more suitable users. If there is a button that you didn’t click on, or a function that you didn’t use, give it a try.